We had tickets to the Padre game last week and what with gas prices what they are and the fact that out of three cars at our house together they don't equal one good car, my dad had the great idea that he wanted to take the Coaster down to the Padre game. He dubbed the evening, "Patch's Big Adventure".
I said no, thank you because I hate the Coaster. Not because I hate trains but because I hate not having a car i.e. some way of getting the heck outta Dodge if mom or dad attract the fuzz and we have to make a quick get away like we have so many times before. Also it kind of smells. But Pop insisted, in fact I believe the quote I heard was "I am not going unless we take the Coaster". So, we got in the car and headed west. We first stopped at Angelo's in Carlsbad to carb-load on cheeseburgers and fries, a staple for my people. After feeding our arteries we had time to stop at a store for candy, how could we say no to Pop, they are so cute at that age. I went in with him and mom guarded the van, it's a rough neighborhood and we didn't want to take any chances. I grabbed a packet of gum and Pop bought 2 ice cream cones. One for him and the other for him as well, as I said, we had a big adventure and we needed to be prepared for it.
We got to the Coaster station and dropped mom off while we parked so she could buy Pop a ticket. She already had two tickets she scored from being a juror that she and I would use, you see once again the perks to the Coaster, we save money! She promptly headed to the ATM machine to buy the tickets before being yelled at that it was the wrong machine. Who yells at a sweet lady like that? I do. I have traveled with her through Europe twice and know how to keep us both alive and it involves yelling.
Once we got on the train we headed upstairs and sat down. I read the ticket and right away noticed it said NOT VALID FOR THE COASTER. In my most respectful voice I calmly pointed this fact out. Mom had read her ticket that was valid and assumed the other was too, it was not. Immediately both me and Pop turned white...we knew for sure the fuzz would be coming to take her away. I said I would go buy a new ticket but it was too late and the train started. We were law breakers. Or at least Gin was after I made her hold the naughty ticket that WAS NOT VALID FOR THE COASTER. She swore it would be fine and when questioned she would just explain that she made a mistake...yes, that one always works. We were convinced every time the police officer patrolling the train walked by that he was about to arrest her, especially because every time he walked by I would point to her and cough "criminal". It also didn't help the man sitting behind us was talking very loudly about all the times he and his common law marriage wife were arrested for drugs, and I knew my mom definitely had baby aspirin in her purse. It further justified my sense of "ickiness" I receive while riding the train.
Well, nneedless to say my mom only learned that riding the train with the wrong ticket is not only illegal but extremely exhilarating.
We made it to the San Diego train depot, walked to the trolley station, made it to Petco Park, walked 5 miles to get to our seats, spent $35 on nachos and a Diet Pepsi, watched the Padres lose and got back on the damn train. This time I bought Gin her ticket so Pop could enjoy the thrill of riding the train without feeling like his wife would get arrested at any minute. We spent the time riding back up the coast playing "Name That Tune" off my ipod (luckily I have hours of age appropriate music for such an occasion).
All and all I thought Patch's big adventure was just short of an episode of Intervention and C.O.P.S. mixed together, but Patch and Gin seemed to have fun so overall it was a wash.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Monday, June 15, 2009
Monday, June 08, 2009
I'm sad that my Mom and Dad turned down the contract TLC offered them to do a reality show about us. Right after they turned them down TLC offered it to Jon and Kate plus 8. In retrospect it was a good move on my parents part. Gin and Patch Plus One would have been awkward and bad for my image. I want to seem bad to the bone but undoubtedly after seeing hours of footage of me at home everyone would know how saintly and humble I am and my cover would be blown.
Posted by DASJEWD at 8:58 PM