Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
To be fair, I just didn't wake up in Minnesota, duct-taped and blind folded, I knew I was going, I was invited, it was a planned thing. As my ride drove me from the Twin Cities to Rochester, the snow began. Personally, I have never driven in the snow because well, I live where it's 72 degrees everyday and the most severe weather I see is frost. I was thinking of how much I love frost while sitting in the back seat and questioning Jesus why He was going to take me home while being in a car which was clearly about to skid off the road and into a ditch where they would find us frozen to death, luckily we arrived in Rochester before it came to that. From Friday night to Saturday night the twin cities and surrounding areas got hit with about 11 inches of snow. Fortunately Rochester was not in the path of the storm and just got a few inches that didn't stick.
Saturday morning my roommate from USD, Sarah who lives about an hour from Rochester was going to pick me and we were going to explore the wonders of the town. She texted me about an hour she was to pick me up to let me know the plow had not been bye yet and she could not get her car out of the driveway. That was the equivalent of telling my dogs the combination to our safe and how they were to copy out the plans that were locked inside of it, I had no comprehension.
Who is this person who operates the plow and why when it snows are we at their mercy? If all it is is a big truck with a shovel on it, why doesn't everyone who lives where it snows just strap on a giant shovel to their own cars and take the power away from the plow!
I have so many good ideas, if people would just ask!
I went down to the front desk and asked the nice eastern block lady if there were any stores in walking distance. She said, there was a Wal-Mart on the other side of the freeway, just a short walk away. Turns out this lady was a LIAR! Perhaps in comparison to how far she used to walk to her town's water well in her old country this was a short walk but to a Californian in 30 degree Minnesota weather, this was my own personal Camino walk.
I knew I was in trouble when I went to wipe my nose and the snot was frozen, that was a big tip off right there. But half way in the middle of a walk is never the time to turn around. Especially when it was so close to my dad's birthday and the smile on his face when I presented him with his Nut Goodie was worth it...OK that's a lie, the truth is I think I had snow blindness and couldn't turn around to get back to the safety of the treadmill.
A mile into my frozen snot, isotoner gloves aren't warm at all and Nike retro shoes are not snow friendly walk, I saw it. The glow of mass consumerism, Wal-Mart.
Ten minutes later and I had stepped into that familiar den of iniquity and smelled the sweet stench of polyester and poor business ethics. I walked up to the first Wal-mart employee I could spot and asked with frozen snot on my face, "do you have any Nut Goodies?"
She looked at me, or rather my face and said, "I don't know. You mean do we have nuts and other goodies? Cause we sure do"
"No, the candy, that you can only get in the frozen tundra, Nut Goodie" I said. She looked at me like I had a head injury as she calmly repeated, "yes, we have nuts and all kinds of goodies." as she walked me to her manager, probably standard procedure whenever a crazed person comes into the store. This guy knew what I was talking about and said "no. haven't seen them in awhile. But the "Kwick Stop" might have em." After figuring out that that was a gas station I got directions, pulled my parka up and headed out. Along the way I learned that Dollar Tree, Petco and a hunting store don't carry Nut Goodies either. Apparently they are harder to find than a nice rich Irish Catholic husband.
As I walked and maneuvered my way through the parking lot and snow and cars to the "Kwick Stop" I must have looked like those TV news packages that show a dazed and confused moose that wonders into a small town looking for food right before the ranger puts a dart in their butt. Unfortunately the "Kwick Stop had no Nut Goodies".
Defeated I pulled up my parka and started the walk back to the hotel but something magical happened, instead of simply walking I started to run, the run turned into a sprint and finally my feet left the ground and I began to fly!
When I awoke I was in a cage in the Rochester Fish and Wildlife office with a new fluorescent tag in my ear and a sore backside from where the dart had got me.
The Diocesan Catholic Youth Conference went great and I met some really nice kids and the people who work with them. They told me silly stories that they thought I would fall for like how it gets down to negative 50 degrees and large bodies of water freeze and you go out and fish through a hole cut in the ice, YEA RIGHT! I didn't fall for any of their lies.
The snow never stuck in Rochester but the 11 inches in the Twin Cities started a rumor that I would never get out on my flight.
In the end The Minneapolis airport got my flight off the ground but not before I found Nut Goodies for sale at the shop outside my gate.
Happy Birthday Dad, you are so worth it.
Posted by DASJEWD at 10:55 AM
Sunday, November 07, 2010
So, on this new diet, Chewie really values his two meal times which occur in the morning and then again at 5pm. Chewie has an internal clock everyday around a half hour before meal time he tries to remind you that he lacks opposable thumbs and that you are responsible for getting his dinner ready.
So now that the clocks are back one hour and at 4pm he is looking at me like I am an idiot. The dog thinks I am dumb. He thinks I don't remember that he eats. He will continue this for at least a month. If he wrote a blog (once again the thumbs thing) he would write that the humans have finally proven they are a inferior species.
If you see him, tell him I'm not as dumb as he thinks I am...but don't feed him!
Posted by DASJEWD at 4:08 PM