I'm Not Smarter Than A 6th Grader

I shadowed my nephew Tommy at his school today. Tommy is in 6th grade and attends a Junior High School. Things are different from when I went to school. For one thing I don't remember P.E. having a prison yard vibe.




The one thing that has not changed is math. Math is still from the devil. Tommy got his test back with one question wrong. I thought 18 years (I think that equation is wrong as well) would have prepared me to all of a sudden do math. I was wrong. I looked at the test and only saw some sort of Russian and squiggly lines on the paper. I got the sweats, became dizzy and heard a slight whimpering which turned out to be me crying for my mom.

Stand up Comedy: Good Choice.

Flat Teddy For President!

I would say my loyalty to Flat Teddy is strong to very strong. I'm sure his bear skeletons in the closet will be sniffed out by Hillary's people soon enough. That whole Yogi situation was unfortunate but it needed to happen.

Do You See What I D.C.?

Hello from the East side of the nation where it's a chilly 34 degrees but nothing I can't handle. I'm just here for a quickie. It's sad to land and while still on the plane check in for your return flight on your web browsing phone because it's less than 24 hours. That's how I roll though...plus I met a certified "guacologist" tonight, intense.

The Beast Is DEAD!

OK, it's really not a beast, it's my CD I have been editing for the past 2 months and finally it is done! Now I just have to finalize the art work and get a little extra help with some audio and bing bang boom, instant new coaster for your drink. You can listen to it as well, which is nice.

I Met Jesus in Erie!

"Don't I know you from somewhere?"

"You probably get this all the time, but I'm a big fan. I love your work. How did you come up with the hippo? Classic."

Solvang, Farwell, Auf Wiedersehen Goodnight.

We were joined by hundreds of greyhounds and their owners, my mom turning Hollywood as she talked on her phone while wearing her Muppet scarf, flat teddy catching a ride on a windmill and the Irish mafia getting their share of the CD sales...I have to pay for protection, the Dutch street gangs of Solvang are notorious for their Danish flinging. You could lose an eye.

I'm Back!

So, Gmail decided to take me back which means I am now able to log back into this blog which means the 3 people in prison that read this blog and my mom can stop complaining.

Many things have happened in the last 16 days so here is a recap:


My mom gave birth to twins...we aren't telling my dad yet.







Jay Leno took a photo with a cardboard cut out of me.





OK, so really that was it. It seemed like a lot more at the time. Probably because the twins don't let me get much sleep, I just thought there was a lot more. I could have made something up to make it seemed like more happened but that would be cheap and tawdry and one thing I am not is cheap, no wait. One thing I am not is Tawdry because I am very cheap. I really need to get out more. Maybe when I am out I will buy a thesaurus.