Purdue University

Kyle, Judy, Fr. Patrick (aka Norm MacDonald) and Dan after a super fun, super successful show at Purdue University...I heart college shows.

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Dog Days

No Nay Never

I went running today and maybe it was for the last time. I went with my friend Katie who does not have the pain to brain connection. Let me explain, after I have been running for a few miles, or really, after I give a heads up to my body that I am thinking about running I feel pain. The pain from my body goes to my brain and in return my brain shuts my body down into a sad limping walk. My pain to brain connection is working. Katie's does not. As she sees me in the distance now walking she does things like run wind sprints up and down a hill till I get to her. Her pain to brain connection done broke! So running, I figured out yesterday is something I really don't enjoy. I've had a runners high maybe once but looking back it probably wasn't even runners high but the lingering effects of some Novocaine I received at a dental appointment. The benefits I receive from running do not outweigh the pain, therefore I think me and running are breaking up. I will still run on occasion. I feel running is very useful when dealing with stampeding elephants, or killer zombies. Also if I ever have to rescue orphans out of a burning building I will not saunter in but I will run. If I ever drink the water again in Mexico I will not skip to the bathroom but run; so you see running is not dead to me, we just decided to see other people.
Since running and I have been in a rocky relationship over the past couple of months now is the time to admit that I have been seeing other exercises.
Mainly I have been swimming. Usually swimming is a very good low impact exercise...usually But I have some Judy factors that make it not so. First of all I usually can not enter in the pool without my two lifeguards, Mac and Chewie following close behind. As dogs, they have no hands so when they see me swimming and assume I need "rescuing" they swim out to me and use their paws to "rescue me." Because their paws are accompanied by sharp claws what ensues is a kin to an underwater ballet knife fight. Evidence of my scarred arms and back, I have been "rescued" many times. Because of my over protective dogs I usually get about 2 laps in before it's just not worth it and I end up sitting on the steps. This 3-4 minute scene is not conducive to a cardio workout and is almost counter productive. If you ever have done any water sports you know that they make you hungry beyond belief because usually your body is burning thousands of calories but as I said the only ones burning calories are the dog-guards. So my consumption of Snickers bars before my swim is really hurting and not helping. Other factors include two nephews jumping in and out during lap swim and sometimes striking their target; which now really hurts since they are getting older and bigger. Riding on Auntie Judy's back while she swims is no longer fun for Auntie Judy and actually has come close to killing her several times. The lack of goggles and chlorine-trigger-happy pool man makes my eyes feel like I am in a constant dream sequence from Dallas. If I end up shooting J.R. I am going to be more than a little upset.
In the end, I'll keep swimming until our Southern California weather turns cold. In the end, I love swimming more than running but refuse to get in the pool in severe dips when it gets down to 70, that's just plain nuts I'm no polar bear.

I Don't Want a Virus, I Want to Go Viral.

Hey Lady

Hey lady, your name on a piece of rice?

No gracias.

Want a massage?

That was basically every conversation I had with anyone who tried to sell me anything while I was in Cabo San Lucas.
Apparently I looked stressed.
Everyone thought I was in need of a massage. From the guy selling "Roy-Bans" to the lady who wanted to braid my hair (actually she just wanted to braid my hair, she was very serious about beauty). I remember the good old days when buying Mexican fireworks or a whip was just that, there was no hidden agenda. After awhile it stressed me out, but I was not about to give in and get a massage. And its a good thing, I watch 20/20 and had the advice of my dad, "don't trust anyone." I was not about to let them win. I was vigilant for the rest of the trip. Like a ninja I avoided eye contact with all street vendors, small dogs and elderly tourists, all could have possibly offered me a deadly massage. So I'm home from vacation, tired and in desperate need of a massage.