Thanks to my new 5000 friends!

Turn Your Satellite Radio On

I will be interviewd on the Catholic Channel on Sirius Satellite Radio (channel 159)Wednesday around 5:00 pm EST...tell your friends from Bunko.

Tossed Salad and Scrambled Eggs

Season 8 of Fraiser DVD watched...Good thing I am a professional, lesser minds would have cracked under the pressure but not me. I have a media communications degree and it's about time I used it!

Stop Feeding the Baby Bricks!

It's not that I get mad that my God daughter borrows my bikini, I just get mad that she stretches it out.

Anna weighs almost 80 pounds more than me!

Ich gehe nach Deutschland!

I just bought my tickets to back to Germany! September is snitchel month and because I'm also heading to Italy...GELATO!

Cheese Makes Everything Better

I had an awesome time in New York this weekend. The following are some highlights:

• American born Saints.
• New York Wal-Mart smell the same as all other Wal-Marts that I have smelled in other states.
• Bugs that weigh more than me.
• Dunkin' Donuts coffee suppliers.
• Cheese Sauce on Snickers bars...who knew?
• Coming home with some kind of morphed, up state New York/Soprano's/Yogi Berra accent that when all is said and done makes me sound like I'm from Sweden.
• Jesuits.
• Actively dealing with my fear of ticks in a non-healthy way...looking back using a shot gun to ward them off was not a good idea but was effective in keeping the deer away...which carry ticks.
• Pirate jokes.
• The Holy Spirit's timing.

Gross!

Do you really wonder why the East Coast has a reputation of being tougher than us peaceful granola eaters out in the West Coast?

It's because they have bugs the size of small army tanks!

This thing landed on me tonight and after I wrestled it to the ground a brave New Yorker stepped on it...I heard a lot of things crunch and go squish. 5 seconds later it got up shook it off and just before it flew away it turned and gave me the finger. Have you seen the movie Jaws 2? I need some dolphins to protect me from this things deranged orphan child.

So far, so good...I like it here. I just wish I would have slept for more than 15 minutes before my talk I have to give in an hour...that's why we leave room for the Holy Spirit!

Up State, Up State!

If you need me or wonder why you don't see me at the Sizzler on Saturday night is cause I'll be in sup state New York.
It won't be hot will it? And probably no bugs, right?
Be back Sunday night so until then stay classy and don't let the man keep you down.

It's 3 am..I must have an hour left

I woke up at 4 am this morning...on purpose.
So far I walked 3 miles, ate breakfast, checked my email, showered, watched my Tivoed shows in fast motion, watered my garden, talked to the dogs, listened to the dogs, argued with the dogs, worked on some upcoming talks and watched my mom talk to Roomba as it tried to just do it's job and vacuum.

Now it's 9 am and I have done all the things it usually takes me all day to do...so now what the heck do I do all day? Dang. Maybe the dogs might have a suggestion, they have never steered me wrong before. Except for this one time about 10 years ago when I wanted to buy stock in Starbucks and they talked me out of it. "Coffee? Who's gonna spend money on coffee when they can make Folgers in the comfort of their own homes!" Dumb dogs.

Combined we have almost 100 years of making others feel awkward!

I had a lot of fun hanging out with my dad for 2 whole hours on the golf course today. He is threatening to practice everyday for a week and then if he doesn't get better, he's going to quit, but we all know he is Scottish and has too much money invested in clubs and funny looking outfits to do that.
Our plans were even further disturbed today when we found out the driving range at the course was closed for repairs. But we made the most of our time, pitching and putting and going around and making others feel awkward just by our looming presence. All in all a good 2 hours of quality dad and daughter bonding!

Carol Channing once said, “Laughter is much more important than applause. Applause is almost a duty.”

She's smart and a snappy dresser...lucky.

Funny Videos Wouldn't Be Funny Without Boots

When I Want to Feel Special I Still Put This Outfit On.

July 1, 1939

Here are some fun facts about my mom who celebrates her birthday today:

My mom was once engaged to another man (so was my dad, but to another lady, not a man) but his photo was not available so this will have to do for now. In the end mom married dad and after several tries of trying to have a perfect daughter the finally got it right in 1976.

My mom has traveled all sorts of places to see me perform comedy. In the beginning she would sit in the front row and feed me lines if I would forget my set list. She has driven countless miles and even flew to Europe to watch me. While in Europe this winter my mom lit so many candles in every church we went into that some personally blame her for global warming.



My mom is famous for talking to strangers. Even if they don't speak English it doesn't matter to her, she just sees it as a challenge to talk more until they break.



If she wanted to she could join the tour. Not even the Old Lady Pro Golf tour but the PGA....she's that good. She's just so concerned that it would damage my dad's ego that she holds back.



My mom is the mastermind of an underground children's poker ring.




When going through chemo and losing all her hair, this is the wig she chose because it best matched her uniform for her over 6o roller derby team.


My mom is my best audience.