Now That's Good TV!

I have it on very good authority that they are bringing back, "Battle of the Network Stars"!
When I was little this show was right up there with the "Smurfs" and "You Can't Do That On Television". What! You don't remember it? It was a series from the 70's in which teams of TV stars from the 3 major broadcast networks compete against each other in physical challenges.
In my day it was cool people from "Dukes of Hazzard" or "Chips", now I suppose Paris Hilton will be mud wrestling some reality TV show dork. Oh man, I shouldn't get my hopes up there is no way this show will be as good, it can't! Howard Cosell is dead.

Oh Crop!

A new crop is in at the McDonald farm.
We have berries people.
We got blackberries, we got raspberries and we got boysenberries, oh my. And oh ya I know it would sound better to say, "we have" but "we got" has more of a down home farm feeling to it.

I'm glad I was born when I was and not when my food had to come from whatever I grew or killed because I would have starved to death. This gardening stuff sure does take a long time and it cost a lot too. I could have bought a new car with all the money I have spent on seeds and soil so far. Of course this car would have been made out of cardboard, but still.
I have been warned that soon the bunnies will come. I was scared until my mom explained the bunnies would eat stuff out of my garden and not try to attack me personally.
This put me at ease.

Non-Flying Birds

I buried two baby birds today. They were from the same nest right outside my front door and I guess they failed their first attempt at flight.
Birds are hard core creatures.
Lets build our nest really high AND over a cactus.
It’s like sink or swim, except different.
So birds sit on their eggs and out comes that beak and that can’t be comfortable for whoever’s turn it is to sit on the egg that day.
Then they have the baby birds and their squawking, feed me feed me feed me! So the mommy and daddy birds go get food and eat it and then they baggghhhh in the baby’s mouth.
Aren’t you glad cats don’t feed kittens that way?
Then when they are sick of feeding them they push them out of the nest and hope they picked up on the flying somewhere along the way; perhaps from a friend at school or maybe PBS.
We humans have it easy! First and foremost our cribs are on the ground and not over cactus.

Don’t even get me started on those poor baby giraffes!

Frohe Weihnachten!

This summer I am going to Germany with 5 million other Catholics…on purpose.

In preparation I am catching up on the language, you know, learning the lingo. To let you take a glimpse into my world I thought I would share with you the phrases in German that I have been practicing in front of the mirror in my Wonder Woman pajamas.


Please - Bitte

Thank you - Danke

I don't think so! (said like Fred Willard in A Mighty Wind) - Das glaube ich nicht

I hate clowns - Ich hasse clowns

Career Move?

campanologist \kam-puh-NAH-luh-jist\ noun
: one that practices or is skilled in the art of bell ringing.

I Knew It!

A recent study found the least ethical people are junior high students, who came in behind prison inmates.

I went to dentist today.

All I have to say is that I am against them.

Where Do You Buy Your Corn?

I buy mine at Walmart and when I was there today buying my watermelon and corn I overheard something I must share. Of course you buy the corn and watermelon in any part of the store but I am a purist and insist on purchasing and checking out in the lawn and garden center. While in the check out line the couple in front of me were admiring the patio furniture. Admiring to the point of laying down in one of the lounge chairs and commenting, "oh honey, this is so comfortable. It would freak out the dogs because it rocks but it would look good in the living room."

Have you heard the expression, it's funny because its true? Well this calls for the expression it's sad because it's true.

Just one more example of why I will always buy corn at Walmart.

Take Me Out...

OK, we can go to the ballgame. Uncle Earl called tonight and offered my family 4 tickets to tonight's Padre game. I discovered something about myself; I really don't understand baseball. I get the catching the ball and hitting and throwing it, but I don't get all the strategy and that makes me mad. Mad because the drunkard lady sitting next to my friend and hitting in him in the ribs anytime anything happened seem to understand everything that was going on. It's like in high school when I played basketball. It would be the last minute of an important game and we were in a timeout. The coach was telling us something, writing on a white board and then the whistle blew and I was back on the court watching everybody run a play. Huh, I guess I should have listened in the huddle.
I have the attention span of a small dog, with a head injury.
Getting back to the whole baseball problem. I want to learn, I want to grow and understand stats and sacrifice flies and taking one in the head for the team. That reminds me, I was really good at that. I could always get on base; the helmet really took the brunt of most of the pitch.
What were we talking about?
Oh yes butterflies.

Water aerobics at the Y!

It's official; Marie from Everybody Loves Raymond does water aerobics at the YMCA just like me. I have started watching Matlock too, has the downward spiral started? Is this the beginning of the end?
I've been eating dinner at 4:30, with coffee.
Does this mole look bad?
Do you know who died?
Whoa what just happened?

I have to go watch MTV and vote or die; that's what people my age do I guess.
Right after Golden Girls and a glass of Metamucil

Judy Apple Seed

Today was a great day.
My mom and I drove over to my nephew's birthday party or we intended to go. Once we were at the dorky Yu-Gi-Oh card shop we discovered the party is actually tomorrow. I'm currently reviewing what nursing homes to put her in. All the ones I called so far said she is too young and there is nothing wrong with her and to stop calling. One good thing did come out of the trip; I found a new place to go if my self-esteem ever dwindles. Grown men playing a card game based on a childrens Japanese cartoon is liquid gold! Better than a Wal-Mart, better than hanging out at the bus depot and better than challenging the seniors at the park to race and run wind sprints.

The day got better when my ADD medicine kicked in and I was able to hyper focus on gardening. I found these packages of different wild flowers and an assortment of flower seeds. But before I could plant the buggers I had to clear half an acre of dead ice plant and snails. My grandma had the right idea when dealing with snails. She would put out little saucers of beer for them and they would drink the beer and die; I guess because snails don't have livers. Grandma killed but did it in a humane way. Not my mom. She chucks them against the fence or just plain steps on them. I think she might have some pent up rage. It's probably against me because she found the brochures I sent away for from the "homes". I really don't know how she could miss them since I tape them to her bathroom mirror.

I planted 3 different packages which all boasted, "Contains over 10,000 seeds", 10,000 seeds to a packet! Flower seeds on steroids! I planted over 30,000 seeds today and I will be happy if 3 flowers come up. I don't actually have a black thumb but it sure isn't green!

Three weeks ago I cleared a place near the trashcans and where the dogs "do their business" to plant a garden. I have tomatoes, green beans, beets, jalapeños, bell peppers, pumpkins and sunflowers. Today I found 5 billion ants live in my garden, snails are eating everything and the dogs still "do their business" despite my constant requests for them to cease and desist. So I think I'm going to give my vegetables away this year.
Tell all your friends!

So happy!

I found two dollars in my pocket tonight.
TWO DOLLARS!
That's two dollars more than I had before I put my hand in my pocket.
That makes me happy because it's like making money without doing anything, like a raise from God.
____________

Who is Ty Pennignton kidding? He's selling forks at Sears that he designed
How hard is it to design a fork? I don't think very, it's not like you can reinvent the fork.
They tried once, it was called the spork.
____________

I'm going to go try to be good again so I can make more money next time I check my pockets.

My New Baby!

Born: April 26, 2005
Height: 9 feet 6 inches
I picked up my new Skip Frye board today! I waited almost 8 moths for this board and I can't believe it's finally done! I am too afraid to ride it because it is so pretty and shiny, I just know I'm going to drop it; or some kook is going to run into me and take a chunk out of it. Skip already rode it a few times and said it is very fast and fun. I think it's a good sign that after he shaped the board he couldn't wait to ride it. This also means I won't have to go to old lady H20 exercise as much since I can surf in style. This is good since the grandmas in the class were starting to get very jealous of my sweet water moves.

Oh my!

I'm going to throw something out there but you have to promise not to judge me. OK here it goes...

Flaming Hot Cheetos with limon are quite good.


Are you judging me? For years I have seen little kids at schools eating bags of these things. I finally broke down and bought a bag to see what the big deal is. There must be cocaine in them because I ate the whole bag. They were not what I would call "good to eat" yet I could not stop eating them. Now I feel dirty and know that if any of my "food snob" friends find out about my bad habits I might be out of the circle of trust. But I don't care. I love you Flaming Hot Cheetos with Limon and I don't care who knows!

And yes Limon means lemon magically morphed with lime, I didn't spell it wrong!

Pope Benedict XVI

"Dear brothers and sisters, after our great pope, John Paul II, the cardinals have elected me, a simple, humble worker in God's vineyard," according to a translation of remarks he made in Italian. "I am consoled by the fact that the Lord knows how to work and how to act, even with insufficient tools, and I especially trust in your prayers.

"In the joy of the resurrected Lord, trustful of his permanent help, we go ahead, sure that God will help. And Mary, his most beloved mother, stands on our side."

He then delivered his first "Urbi at Orbi" ("for the city and for the world") papal blessing, after which the crowd in St. Peter's Square chanted, "Viva il papa," or "Long live the pope."


The Pope is known as the Church's Shepard.
This Pope is from Germany.
Mom wanted to know if this meant he is a German Shepard.


I think I get my sense of humor from my dad.

TAX DAY

Bravo to Lifetime Television for Women! They played the Golden Girls episode where Blanche has to deal with the IRS because of her taxes on tax day.
Wowzers.
It's also the episode that Dorothy performs stand up comedy.
Rose does something stupid and Sophia says something cute, yadda yadda yadda.

Flat Rat

Driving home from Los Angeles tonight I saw an awful event. At first I thought I was about to hit a supermarket plastic bag in the road. But as I got closer I could see it was a rat! I screamed like a little girl and saw the vermon go right under my car. When I looked in my rear view window I saw him (I know it was a boy rat because girl ratsalways cross with the light) doing the "which way do I run dance" between the tires of the car behind me. So wherever you are tonight Rat, I salute you.

What do you watch?

I watch TV. Maybe more than others but I have a good excuse, I have the ADD. ADD permits me to do 78 different things at the same time. Like right now I am typing this blog, watching King of the Hill, getting my set list together for a show tomorrow night, cooking a ham and balancing my checkbook.
Now granted I am doing none of these things very well, I am still multi-tasking.

That's shocking

I am back from Colorado and am very glad because there was so much static electricity in the air that I was get shocked every time I touched anything.
I'm serious; I was getting shocked when I picked up paper! It was worse than the scenes from "Office Space" when the guy would open the door to go into the office and get shocked every time. Once, I even saw a giant blue spark when I put my key into the door.
I HATE GETTING SHOCKED!
I don't mind getting a shock by finding out that my dog can talk or that Elvis is still alive and owns a White Castle in Minnesota; but I can't stand the other kind of shock. Every time it would happen I would scream like a little girl and jump back. The people I was with were shocked by my behavior at first, and then shock quickly led to utter embarrassment. My name is Judy and I am a dork.

JP2

I just got done performing at a comedy night with my friend Mark Hart at a parish in Colorado. When we got there people were crying and wondering why we were going to perform comedy the night the Pope died. But what better way to celebrate his life!

Pope John Paul II knew that death is not the end of the story; it's just the beginning. If we have to worry about anybody at death it is not this pope, he's got the expressway home! I can't help but smile when I think of how much joy he is experiencing right now; he has no more physical pain. He died with dignity and grace and showed us that life is precious no matter how young or old you are.

My favorite memory of JPII is from the first time I saw him in Denver at a World Youth day. Millions of Catholic teens shouting, "JP2 WE LOVE YOU!" this went on and on until he quieted down the crowd and told us "JP2 He loves you!"

Twelve years later and I am back in Denver in the same hotel no less...coincidence...probably but a very cool coincidence.

The Pope's dying word was "Amen". What a great way to end a life lived as a prayer.