For the last three days my family has been at a beach condo in Oceanside. It was really fun and no one even cried and stomped out of the room, that's really good for my family. Last night we went to a Christmas Penance service and now I am all sparkly and clean and in a state of grace.
This morning when I was the first one back to our house I decided to keep up my squeaky clean soul and pick up the house before everyone else got back. I picked up the two presents that the yellow lab had torn apart and vacuumed the remainder of the red, green and white candles he had eaten (that will be a pretty color when it comes out). I then headed into start some laundry when I saw the bathroom carpet.
On Sunday this poor carpet was subjected to a toilet over flow but now was all clean and ready to be put back. It's one of those carpets that were meticulously cut to fit around the bathtub and toilet. I got down on my hands and knees and starts fitting the carpet around the edges moving magazines scales and a basket of toilet paper as I worked. Everything was in its place except for in the corner where my mom has a plant stand with no plant but a giant tole painted carousel horse. I even had a flash before I lifted the plant stand up with one hand and shoved the carpet under it with the other hand, I thought, "wow I should put my hand up and make sure that stupid horse doesn't fall and hit me in the..." BOINK!
Before I could even finish my thought that horse fell from its 4-foot high perch and right on top of my head. It hit so hard I fell backwards and hit the toilet. I tried to get up and feel right back down on my butt. I tried to get up again and fell once more. I put my hand to the now pulsating point on my head to check for blood but it came up clear. I took my cell phone out of my pocket to call my mom or 911 or the 911 nanny but saw that I had no signal. The only thing I could think of was, "this is it. This is how I'm going to die, in the bathroom, slumped over the toilet, just like Elvis but without the pills and cheesburger."
I sat in the bathroom floor for another 5 minutes and waited to die but after a while my butt fell asleep so I got up. All I got from the whole experience was a very bad headache, dilated pupils and a new found respect for horses.
