Bi-Polar Weather Week

After being on one of the last planes to make it out of the ice storms of Kentucky I was more than happy to get home to the 70 degree weather of San Diego. The day after I got back into town I entertained about 50 retired teachers at a luncheon and only was threatened with detention twice.
This was also my first week of an exercise program called P90X. Basically if I do it everyday for the next 3 months I will have 2 percent body fat and abs you can wash clothes on. But the more I think about it if I just did any kind of exercise for an hour a day for 3 months I would be in great shape. So I'm just gonna eat brownies instead. Tonight I had a show at Cal-a-vie Spa and met all sorts of very nice people. Small crowds are always scarier than crowds that reach the thousands. There is something about hearing your audience breathing that's always alarming, I mean it's better than them not breathing because then they would be dead and try explaining that to the Sheriff when they show up and you have 8 dead people, no thanks, I'm not explaining that again.
Tomorrow is a big day. No, not because of the Super Bowl but because I have been enlisted to go try on brides maid dresses...oh there will be photo's a plenty! With my new awkward tan lines from walking 5 miles in the 80 degree sun, I'm going to look smoking hot (said with a thick Midwestern accent to increase hilarity).

Southern Indiana

I'm in Southern Indiana...how southern you ask?
I could spit and hit Kentucky, but they don't like when you do that.
I had 2 shows at Providence High School today and had a great time meeting new people, hearing stories of a great man named "Jimmy" and finding creepy dolls back stage. Now I just need the 800 feet of snow they say is coming and I am watching outside my hotel window to stop falling and I can get home to 70 degree weather. Mr. Plow, Mr. Plow! Oh I almost forgot, me and derby pie are best friends!

Free Commerce

I give you my comedy CD that I edited on my computer and you give me your book you wrote about St. Paul...with big words. Fair trade!

Blessed

I think most days I take for granted all the blessings I have in my life. Not even counting my smoking hot Olympic/super model temple of God body...I mean right there I could say, enough all ready, stop blessing me. But really my life is one of great ease and privilege.

Just today I woke up with a roof to keep the quarter inch of torrential rainfall from getting me wet. I meandered out into the kitchen and feasted not on just plain old Raisin Bran but on Raisin Bran EXTRA! It's just like that cereal 'Colon Blow' but with a classier name.

I drove to the beach and watched people exercise. I thought about getting out and walking but then I sat down till the thought passed. It was the longest 2 minutes of my life.

While driving home I saw a lady at a bus stop get sick, it was truly disturbing, to think, people have to take the bus! As I drove by her in my 12 year old gas guzzling car I was reminded how lucky I am. I haven't been sick at a bus stop in a long time.

Back home I folded my laundry which smelled like Glasgow. OK, that sounds weird but the new laundry detergent smells just like the stuff my friend uses in Glasgow and they say smell and memory are closely linked. Heck they say more than that. "Researchers have found that cognition significantly influences the perception of smell." This explains why I cried as I folded my laundry and wanted to fight people who cheered for the wrong football team...Scotland trips are usually hard on me.

After that it was off to Walgreens just for retail therapy. I didn't buy anything but I like to keep my options open. I wander the aisles looking for deals for next years Christmas presents or wedding gifts, you never know when a really good deal will jump out at you or a grandma might need help reaching a top shelf item. I always like helping those shorter than me, mostly because there aren't many out there.

Today was Physical Therapy day for my back. This is where I go to pay a copay to get touched by a large man and then hooked up to ice and electric stimuli, it's fun try it.

Dinner with my peeps and then Holy hour. After which I was asked to be in my friend Heather Sally's wedding...I'm so excited to finally be a bridesmaid (I'm usually always the bride).

Then to my dog's house for Thursday night TV and editing of a video which if I ever finish will earn me a trip to Medjugorje. Long story but just trust me, once I'm there the blogs will be great.

So you see my life is pretty good. I travel to places, tell jokes I talk about Jesus, weird things happen to me on said trips which only supply more material for later trips and the cycle continues. I am two out of three what Stephen Leacock was talking about when he said, "God takes care of fools, drunks, and the United States of America."
I stopped drinking last year.

Party People

Our parties are just like the ones in D.C. but cost 150 million dollars less, plus we have Mass and a rosary first...and we have Abbot Charles.

Tonight we celebrated the 18Th year of Monday night Pray-a-palooza and proved once again that Catholics know how to whoop it up better out of all the other religions. If you have a problem with that statement, come on over and me and my posse will throw a beat down. Case in point I told the lady in red that I thought her brownies tasted a bit odd and she threw me into a head lock, don't mess with us! We are the last religion on earth that can still be made fun of and discriminated against and frankly we are sick of it and in response are training our elderly to fight...and it's going rather well.

We have also recruited one more secret weapon...Mikey.
Mikey is not only walking the walk but the boy is talking the talk, old school. He is now taking favorite Bible stories and turning them into hilarious hip hop songs. Not only a hit with the younger crowd but some of the elderly can follow him as well. People wanted change and truly Mikey is delivering.
Just think what Mikey could do with a 150 million dollar budget...oh man, it would be awesome.

Ay Dios Mio...Santa Barbara!

This weekend I took the train up to Santa Barbara with my cousin Bob. We do this every Friday morning, just kidding, we went up to speak at the Santa Barbara Youth Day. There were about 800 kids there and it was a rocking good time. After the event we went back to our host John's house and after a lovely feast prepared by his wife I was awarded the "boob award". I can't make this stuff up...I mean I could, but I'm better than that.

Howdy Y'all

I had a big Ol' pile of fun in Texas mostly due to my other family, the McGuires. I keep them a secret because they are so nice and well, they don't like being in the spotlight too much. But they have been my best friends for 2 weekends, 2 years apart. They take care of me when I come to Coppell, Texas. So the way I figure it they deserve at least 2 weekends time off in purgatory for being so good to me.

CCMA

The Catholic Campus Ministers Association had their National convention in Atlanta and I was lucky enough to perform for people from all over the country. If that wasn't cool enough, three of my former buddies from USD were there too.
Come to think of it, that is how I got the job in the first place.

Red Eyes

I'm leaving for the Catholic Campus Minister Association conference in Atlanta tonight. Me and red eye flights have a good relationship. I don't make any noise or fuss and the plane stays in the air. It's a great relationship. So far.

Cousin Follow up

This is my hobbit cousin Paul who says, " Anyone over 5'5" is a freak anyway." Way to go Paul.

Not Fair

Out of my 30 or so cousins on my dad side, 80% of them are amazons.
I stand at 5 feet 5 inches and occasionally can stretch another inch if I stand on my tippy toes.
I could do so much more if I was tall like my cousins.





I could dunk.
I could dust the top of the book shelf.
I could live out my dream of being a model.
I could see the top of men's heads when they try to pull off a comb over.

I'm surprised I've made it so far being this short. Perhaps God knew if I was taller I would be too powerful and this was his way of keeping me grounded. Literally.

2008: Through the Eyes of Jude

2008 wasn't all that bad no matter what they tell you, besides, most of us are still breathing and on this side of the dirt, so that is always a plus.
And now, my 2008 recap through my one good eye.

JANUARY
Brought me to Idaho where I got to experience snow...and snow and to be reminded that this delicate flower is not made for the cold.
I also rekindled my love for the hunt as I brought down a rabid mouse and caught the whole thing on tape.
Ya, January was kind of slow.

FEBRUARY
I finally finished editing my second CD, "That's' Fun". I designed the cover all by myself and sent it off to the magic CD making place, what a relief to get it done! I edited about 7 different shows into one hour. Looking back, that was dumb and took a long time, but that is what compulsive people do. That or clean over and over and over and that's just not my thing.
This was also the month I met Jesus...in Erie PA.
Another highlight of February was performing and hanging out in the Washington D.C. area. Nothing like being funny for the children of the people who have something to do with the running of our country.
Mom and I ventured up to Solvang, CA for a show and you can't not have a good time when hanging out with Gin Gin and eating waffles.
I know if was a big thrill for him when I let Jay Leno get a picture with me during the taping of the Tonight Show. After some more therapy (for him not me) I'll be able to tell you about my encounter with Mike Rowe after the show.

MARCH
Slán go fóill! How do I keep ending up in Europe? I landed in Ireland and set in for another wild ride.
This trip included
+Speaking in the Letterkenny Cathedral (by invitation, not like I was talking to my neighbor during mass)
+Eating sushi in Glasgow and seeing a highland cows up close and personal (unrelated to the sushi, but could explain the taste).
+Finally getting to Medjugorje and meeting great people and spending Holy week doing lots of holy things.
Performing in Italy and almost getting arrested (for riding the bus without a ticket, not for my comedy).

APRIL
Spent Easter in Ireland and heard my Easter homily in Irish, so didn't feel bad this time when I just didn't get the message. I performed a few shows for the kids at the local school which is Irish speaking only, and had no idea what they were saying have the time, which made made them feel at ease when they felt the same about me. The best part of my last few days in Ireland was catching lambs with my friend Cameron...oh ya and meeting Enya's dad was weird too.
I made it back to the States just in time to audition for the Tonight Show which obviously it didn't work out that I was on the show but just the experience was cool. I often hear people say that and think they are just saying it because they are giant losers but I actually mean it and it is just a coincidence that I also happen to be a loser.
The rest of April was full of baseball games, eye surgeries and a smattering of shows around California.

MAY
What can I say, May was a month for mom's, more eye surgery, sisters and my God son's birthday. Oh ya, I made a triumphant return to Virginia to be funny for those East coast people who tend to get all my jokes, no joke.

JUNE
Very quiet June spent surfing, going to the zoo, Golf and hanging out with the family...it's a hard knock life for Jude.

JULY
July is always busy and busy means fun! Or at least for me busy means fun, I have a learning disability which diminishes my understanding of words and their meanings.
We had mom's birthday, U.S.A.'s birthday (older than mom), shows in New York, Arizona and even Bonita!
I also hoofed it up to Portland to spend some time with my sister and her family.
Oh ya and Sophia from the Golden Girls dies, but I had NOTHING to do with that.

AUGUST
August had me back across the pond to Ireland for 12 hours and back over to Medjugorje. This time it was HOT and the poor Irish kids I was with almost exploded from the exposure to the sun, it was sad but fun to watch.
I also had an opportunity to film a day with a 84 year old nun who cares for the elderly and very poor on the outskirts of Medjugorje. It made me stop complaining for at least a day.
Back to Ireland to hang out and take in the local night life. Shot a video for NET Ireland which I am still editing and avoiding by writing this blog, shhhhhh.

SEPTEMBER
SCRC, Michigan Wal-Marts and golfing with Marines, with little or no time to look after my new found past time, choreographing hamster ballet.

OCTOBER
Oh boy, October! San Diego Youth Day, my birthday, my parents 47th wedding anniversary, my addiction to my Blackberry begins, a trip to Minnesota and painting my nephew yellow, what else could a girl ask for in a month?
Herniated disks? sure, why not L4 and L5, hooray!

NOVEMBER
My parents made it back from their 2 week Hawaiian cruise to find the house still standing and I had not sold anything off on the Internet. My dad turned 70, and all sorts of out of town relatives came a calling. And for the 6th or 7th time we walked 60 miles to raise money to fight breast cancer.
Once again I was overlooked as President for the United States.

DECEMBER
I found myself in Cleveland (don't you hate when that happens? You wake up and are in the back of a taxi's trunk with a bump on your head and a microchip embedded in your back...I've said too much) for the National Conference for Catholic Youth Ministers and had a great couple of shows and met tons of people who have all promised to have me come and entertain the children of their state.

The rest of December was spent in rigorous training for my upcoming cage fighting competition...there are no pictures of that since it is top secret stuff.
Here's hoping 2009 is full of adventures and most importantly loads of graces.

The Purple Jacket Part 2: Electric Interview

Tommy Plunkett, you sir are a great camera man!

Purple Jacket

Christmas 2008, quite attractive.

Better Than the iphone

Mac's Got the Right Idea

He just wants Baby Jesus to be born already. Merry Christmas!

The Cleveland Set

Merry Christmas!