Tuesday, January 22, 2008
GMAIL MOCKS ME
Dear Gmail...why do you suspend my account? I am a good person. I shower daily, I go to church, I smile at the elderly, why do you persecute me?
Monday, January 21, 2008
And then at half 6...
I get into San Diego from Boise and who do I see but Big Fat Paul George from Louisiana and then Fr. Neil all the way from Glasgow! Holy cow, next my grandma might knock at the door and really scare us all...see it would be scary because she has been living with Jesus for the past 10 years or so.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Monday, January 14, 2008
On The Job Training
My Manager (on the cash register) says if I keep my nose clean and work hard, I might be moved up to cashier in a couple of months. But between you and me I don't trust anything she says because she's not even potty trained yet and tends to hit the bottle pretty hard still.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
2007
Because 2007 was such a jam packed year it has taken me several weeks into January to psych myself up to reflect on it. That, and I'm extremely lazy. I mean I have been very busy. So without further Apu
, my 2007:
JANUARY
I spent the first week of
New Year in Glasgow Scotland with my European Sherpa, Marlo. I learned things like :
The correct way to pronounce "highland cow".
My affection for hot Toddy's and cups of tea to fight infections.
I am not built for the cold.
"Chippies" are n
ot the best place to meet men.
'Mon the Hoops can be yelled on in a pub only if everyone there is wearing green and white.
Haggis is just not for dinner.
I then moved on to Heidelberg, Vilseck and Katterbach Germany for shows for Army bases. There I learned that people call you m
a'am a lot and pretty much everything matched with camouflage and
I am not built for the cold.
Another week and I was off to Italy where many valuable lessons were indeed learned:
Gilato should be only eaten 5 times a day, anymore and the clothes you packed tend
to shrink when you wash them.
The Vatican is like my mom's living room, very pretty to look at but not a place to to rough house in. You look with your eyes not with your hands.
Italian trains are a place where people like to stand very close to you, especially men, especially men who have somehow forgotten to shower since 2006.
You can see pretty far from the top of St. Peters Basilica, but that's no reason to spit off the top.
Down to Napes where I learned a valuable lesson from the city of Pompeii, primarily that you shouldn't live anywhere near a volcano...ever.
Back up to Germany where my mom flew into see her homeland.
I learned that my mom can drink me under the table and still be a lady (ladies start beer hall brawls, right?)
We made a pilgrimage to Salzburg and saw where the Hill were alive with the sound of Music.
Global warming saw a peak in January but it was only because my mm stopped in every church in Europe to light a candle.
FEBRUARY
Brought us back to Scotland where I had to translate the language for my mom. When I didn't know what they were saying I made things up.
Back home and then on to Indiana and Texas...with a few naps in between. Oh and the Plunkett boys started playing baseball.
MARCH
After attending LA Congress since college this was my first year to be a speaker and performer at the Youth Day which attracts about 5 million Catholics...or 20,000 numbers are not my strong point.
Also a trip to Corpus Ch
risti Texas where I saw the Selena statue...pause for Selena.
And down to good Ole Houma, Louisiana to connect with my Bayou peeps and go to Wal-mart 56 times. I topped of March with a trip to Santa Barbara and learned that you can get there from my house in only 5 hours on a train. A train where no one stood close to me, I liked that.
APRIL
This month kept me busy with a trip to Oregon, Popple came to play and a San Diego Youth Ministers conference where I performed with 102 fever. This was the start of...hey I don't feel good (see May)
MAY
I stayed in California having shows in Ventura, Oceanside and Valley Center and I also learned that I felt crappy because I had a tumor pushing on my bladder and a few other things it shouldn't be pushing on. I was scheduled for surgery the day after my triathlon...do you know how stupid it is to train for a triathlon? My doctor does so he said "by all means run the race, if your going to get hurt might as well do it the day before surgery." I really need to stop getting doctors numbers off of park benches. It was even a advertising it was just scribbled on the bench. In crayon. The surgery was fun.
JUNE
Quick on the mend like someone who pays for her own insurance and has to be funny to pay for the surgery she just had I was off to Florida where I performed comedy in a Celebration Station, saw someone eat carrots and proceed to toss her carrots in the car I was riding in and attend a Padres game in an indoor stadium. Thank you Florida. My nieces came down from Portland and fun times were had by all.
June also marked my first venture to Steubenville Ohio where Dean Martin was born and you still shouldn't drink the water.
JULY
Ever been to upstate New York in the summer? I went and learned that bugs there are on almost as much steroids as MLB players.
Steubenville San Diego brought in another 5000 teens to SDSU and a good time w
as had by all. Except Larry, he had a headache (I'm just assuming that all 5000 people didn't have a good time, one person must have had a headache that ruined it for him and why can't his name be Larry?). Marlo and her brother Mark came surfing with me and my Skip Frye board attacked Mark and sent him to the hospital, the worst part of the whole thing was when the nurse asked if I was Mark's mom.
AUGUST
I spent August trying to recover from all the fun July brou
ght me. I did have one show in Escondido and it was a show that proved, I am a comedian for a reason. One of those, "if I can do a show today, anything is possible kind of days." Do you have those kind of days at your work? I'm assuming you work. I know 3 of you who read this blog are in a state penitentiary and have work detail but I can't fathom the other jobs people who read this blog might have. I can imagine though, so I know you can relate to me, Rich, single, Irish Catholic doctor man. Call me.
SEPTEMBER
We kicked off the Jude Euro Tour part 2. We meaning me and the voices.
6 countries in 1 month highlights:
Germany - Ran my first German 1/2 marathon.
Ireland - First truly international show...I was the only one who talked normal.
Italy - Got to see where St. Francis used to play football.
England - Had my passage into ugly American status as I was able to say, "look kids, Big Ben, Parliament."
Belgium - Eating waffles and showering at NATO.
Scotland - Attending an Avon-like party with 20 Scottish hens and not understanding a single word.
OCTOBER
I spent 2 days home and was back on a plane. Continental San Diego to Houston flight feels like a second home to me now and the flight attendants feel like a distant step mother that I never had.
Texas, Ohio, Louisiana, California and Wisconsin shows made October the month for frequent flier points, don't worry I will still talk to you even though I am Gold Elite, just don't walk on the blue carpet. Also California was on fire.
NOVEMBER
I spoke at an intercollegiate day retreat in Erie, Pennsylvania and loved being back on a college campus and not having to pay for it. Then it was my first NCYC, comedy just isn't fun unless it's in front of 5,000 people and you are in Columbus, Ohio.
Also a highlight was having yet another family holiday without anyone crying...whoo hoo! Plus, Jessica gave my dad a high five...pretty much was the highlight of everyone's November.
DECEMBER
San Diego Youth Day had Matt Maher doing music, Deacon Ralph P
oyo playing the part of the hobbit, Fr. Stan Fortuna was the rapper so I got stuck doing comedy. Took the red eye to Utica New York and it was reaffirmed that I am not built for the cold.
Since November a bump had been in my eyebrow...how attractive! Upon thinking it might be my unborn baby sister I went to the surgeon to get her out. First time she came back after 4 days so he went in again and this time she came back with another sister, so now I have twin sisters in my eyebrow and awesome scars that looks like I got cut in a bar fight.
Now that 2007 is over I can finally concentrate on 2008 and I can finish that "Scenes of the Old Testament" paint by number that's been hanging over my head for all these years.
, my 2007:JANUARY
I spent the first week of
New Year in Glasgow Scotland with my European Sherpa, Marlo. I learned things like :
The correct way to pronounce "highland cow".
My affection for hot Toddy's and cups of tea to fight infections.
I am not built for the cold.
"Chippies" are n
ot the best place to meet men.'Mon the Hoops can be yelled on in a pub only if everyone there is wearing green and white.
Haggis is just not for dinner.
I then moved on to Heidelberg, Vilseck and Katterbach Germany for shows for Army bases. There I learned that people call you m
a'am a lot and pretty much everything matched with camouflage andI am not built for the cold.
Another week and I was off to Italy where many valuable lessons were indeed learned:
Gilato should be only eaten 5 times a day, anymore and the clothes you packed tend
to shrink when you wash them.
The Vatican is like my mom's living room, very pretty to look at but not a place to to rough house in. You look with your eyes not with your hands.Italian trains are a place where people like to stand very close to you, especially men, especially men who have somehow forgotten to shower since 2006.
You can see pretty far from the top of St. Peters Basilica, but that's no reason to spit off the top.
Down to Napes where I learned a valuable lesson from the city of Pompeii, primarily that you shouldn't live anywhere near a volcano...ever.
Back up to Germany where my mom flew into see her homeland.
I learned that my mom can drink me under the table and still be a lady (ladies start beer hall brawls, right?)
We made a pilgrimage to Salzburg and saw where the Hill were alive with the sound of Music.
Global warming saw a peak in January but it was only because my mm stopped in every church in Europe to light a candle.
FEBRUARY
Brought us back to Scotland where I had to translate the language for my mom. When I didn't know what they were saying I made things up.Back home and then on to Indiana and Texas...with a few naps in between. Oh and the Plunkett boys started playing baseball.
MARCH
After attending LA Congress since college this was my first year to be a speaker and performer at the Youth Day which attracts about 5 million Catholics...or 20,000 numbers are not my strong point.
Also a trip to Corpus Ch
risti Texas where I saw the Selena statue...pause for Selena.And down to good Ole Houma, Louisiana to connect with my Bayou peeps and go to Wal-mart 56 times. I topped of March with a trip to Santa Barbara and learned that you can get there from my house in only 5 hours on a train. A train where no one stood close to me, I liked that.
APRIL
This month kept me busy with a trip to Oregon, Popple came to play and a San Diego Youth Ministers conference where I performed with 102 fever. This was the start of...hey I don't feel good (see May)
MAY
I stayed in California having shows in Ventura, Oceanside and Valley Center and I also learned that I felt crappy because I had a tumor pushing on my bladder and a few other things it shouldn't be pushing on. I was scheduled for surgery the day after my triathlon...do you know how stupid it is to train for a triathlon? My doctor does so he said "by all means run the race, if your going to get hurt might as well do it the day before surgery." I really need to stop getting doctors numbers off of park benches. It was even a advertising it was just scribbled on the bench. In crayon. The surgery was fun.
JUNEQuick on the mend like someone who pays for her own insurance and has to be funny to pay for the surgery she just had I was off to Florida where I performed comedy in a Celebration Station, saw someone eat carrots and proceed to toss her carrots in the car I was riding in and attend a Padres game in an indoor stadium. Thank you Florida. My nieces came down from Portland and fun times were had by all.
June also marked my first venture to Steubenville Ohio where Dean Martin was born and you still shouldn't drink the water.
JULY
Ever been to upstate New York in the summer? I went and learned that bugs there are on almost as much steroids as MLB players.
Steubenville San Diego brought in another 5000 teens to SDSU and a good time w
as had by all. Except Larry, he had a headache (I'm just assuming that all 5000 people didn't have a good time, one person must have had a headache that ruined it for him and why can't his name be Larry?). Marlo and her brother Mark came surfing with me and my Skip Frye board attacked Mark and sent him to the hospital, the worst part of the whole thing was when the nurse asked if I was Mark's mom.AUGUST
I spent August trying to recover from all the fun July brou
ght me. I did have one show in Escondido and it was a show that proved, I am a comedian for a reason. One of those, "if I can do a show today, anything is possible kind of days." Do you have those kind of days at your work? I'm assuming you work. I know 3 of you who read this blog are in a state penitentiary and have work detail but I can't fathom the other jobs people who read this blog might have. I can imagine though, so I know you can relate to me, Rich, single, Irish Catholic doctor man. Call me.SEPTEMBER
We kicked off the Jude Euro Tour part 2. We meaning me and the voices.
6 countries in 1 month highlights:
Germany - Ran my first German 1/2 marathon.
Ireland - First truly international show...I was the only one who talked normal.
Italy - Got to see where St. Francis used to play football.
England - Had my passage into ugly American status as I was able to say, "look kids, Big Ben, Parliament."
Belgium - Eating waffles and showering at NATO.
Scotland - Attending an Avon-like party with 20 Scottish hens and not understanding a single word.
OCTOBER
I spent 2 days home and was back on a plane. Continental San Diego to Houston flight feels like a second home to me now and the flight attendants feel like a distant step mother that I never had.Texas, Ohio, Louisiana, California and Wisconsin shows made October the month for frequent flier points, don't worry I will still talk to you even though I am Gold Elite, just don't walk on the blue carpet. Also California was on fire.
NOVEMBER
I spoke at an intercollegiate day retreat in Erie, Pennsylvania and loved being back on a college campus and not having to pay for it. Then it was my first NCYC, comedy just isn't fun unless it's in front of 5,000 people and you are in Columbus, Ohio.
Also a highlight was having yet another family holiday without anyone crying...whoo hoo! Plus, Jessica gave my dad a high five...pretty much was the highlight of everyone's November.
DECEMBER
San Diego Youth Day had Matt Maher doing music, Deacon Ralph P
oyo playing the part of the hobbit, Fr. Stan Fortuna was the rapper so I got stuck doing comedy. Took the red eye to Utica New York and it was reaffirmed that I am not built for the cold.Since November a bump had been in my eyebrow...how attractive! Upon thinking it might be my unborn baby sister I went to the surgeon to get her out. First time she came back after 4 days so he went in again and this time she came back with another sister, so now I have twin sisters in my eyebrow and awesome scars that looks like I got cut in a bar fight.
Now that 2007 is over I can finally concentrate on 2008 and I can finish that "Scenes of the Old Testament" paint by number that's been hanging over my head for all these years.
Thursday, January 03, 2008
Wednesday, January 02, 2008
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