Monday, June 30, 2008

Best Heard Pickup Line in California on July 1, 2008 is:

"Got your hands free?"

I only heard it once, and it was my own voice and I was alone, but boy, as soon as I venture out of my house I might whisper it and giggle.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Beach Boys

While the homestead was getting a new roof the roofers suggested that the dogs might want to leave the house because of all the noise. Since both dogs had recently lost their licence because of boating DUI's I had to drive them. They insisted we went to the beach. The closest beach that allows dogs to frolic in the waves is in Del Mar so off we went. Boy, where they so excited to get in my car, I mean Mac was excited, but it took three of us to lift Chewie into the back...the spirit was willing but his fat butt was weak. So off we went and we frolicked, well I did, who knew dogs could get so embarrassed. We swam in the water that was a bit funky smelling, probably due to the other frolicking dogs and got sand in all sorts of places that God never intended to have sand. After one last swim we headed to the car and half way back Chewie decided he would not only lay down in the sand but to also do a gator death roll in the sand and collected about 6 pounds of the beach in his coat. As soon as we got back to the car the lads lasted as long as they could but eventually both passed out like sailors after a long furlough.

Funny story, after all that we got home and the roofers never made it that day. And so today we spent the day under 18 men on our roof. Today the dogs benefited from Benadryl just as much as a trip to the beach and we saved in gas money to boot.

Monday, June 23, 2008

That's Fun

Still wondering what to buy your aunt for the fourth of July? Relax Skippy, why not my new CD? Buy it now buy clicking this link.
You can even listen to samples if all the tracks to see if that money you found under your couch is worth spending on me.

Sunday, June 22, 2008

California Birthday

Maddy turned 8 today and what a great day to have a birthday party at the beach. Just below where Tiger played golf last week at Torrey Pines, we ripped it up in the waves (no not Black's beach, below and slightly to the left). When I say, "ripped it up" I mean in enough time to get third degree burns and the start of skin cancer I pushed little kids into waves on a giant foam surfboard. Some highlights of the day were:
1. A seal popping up right in front of me while I was sitting on my board and I thought it was a shark for a split second and me and Jesus got real close.
2. I spotted a little fish flailing in the water and I bent down and picked it up with my bare hands while the small children stood in awe with their mouths agape, I was going to eat it but I was saving room for cupcakes with sand on them.
3. When a large fish went by and the kids starting yelling "shark" only for me to explain it wasn't a shark but maybe a sea bass which made one little girl scream, "I'm really afraid of bass". Being the caring person I am I had to laugh because apparently the thought of bass swimming next to her and the possibility of that bass eating her invoked her fear of bass to a whole new level and it was just too much to handle.

All in all a good day to be 8.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008


It is hot! So in Mac's world that means as soon as he gets up in the morning he heads to the pool. Like a seasoned surfer checking the waves, Mac checks the pool with his tongue. He can tell the temperature of the water, it's chlorine levels and also gets two radio stations from south of the border (which requires an extra hook up that I won't explain here). If Mac was a man he would wear only sandals and OP shorts and surf tee's. I'm sure he would be balding, what with all the chlorine but he wouldn't have a comb over, he would keep it short but not a balding pony tail, Mac is classier than that. But he wouldn't just be a hippie he would be a rich hippie, those are the worst kind. But as it is he is just a golden retriever who at 8 is going through dog mid life crisis...I hope he doesn't buy a sports car.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008


August 17Th...half marathon.
Am I that stupid?
Yes I am.
At least this time it is in America's Finest city instead of in the Deutschland. This means no beer at the water tables and far less hairy German women that tend to knock me down.
Das is good.

Sunday, June 15, 2008

There's Something Left In The Basement

Rocco vs. Tiger Monday at Torrey Pines and I'm pulling for the underdog. I'm sorry but if I hear one more thing about Tiger's knee I might hurl. Eat some Asprin and be a man. The balding Rocco is just out there having fun and last time I checked golf is not that fun, it makes you angry and yell a lot...So Rocco might very well lose tomorrow but I love to see the rich guy with the bad knee sweat.
P.S. If you ever yell "get in the hole" in my presence I will taser you and I don't even own a taser, so think about that.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Hey Judy...

How do you spend your afternoons?
Yep, this is pretty much it.

Bad Cats

Not only do I always get lost when I drive in Escondido, now I have to contend with Lions on my car. I mean really, I can only put up with so much. And triple A won't come out to help, they drove by twice but just honked which only aggravated the giant cats even more. This is why I am a dog person...that and the sinking feeling that I will be eaten by my 78 cats after a fall in the kitchen when I'm 94.

Saturday, June 07, 2008

June 5th - June 8th...Because You Care

I know you were wondering what has been happening in my world and I have decided to allow you into it...lucky.
Lets see, Thursday..well it's really none of your business what I did Thursday, tend to your own garden Mary. Oh wait, I hiked 4 miles and then golfed on an empty stomach because I was suppose to fast for a blood test. The blood test that almost killed me. I am not a queasy kind of gal so after the Edward scissor hands "nurse" jabbed her needle into me and took the first vile of blood it was no problem but when she started the next vile and said "whoops" because the blood just stopped flowing in my mind I said, "that's a problem". She must have pulled the needle out just enough while changing tubes that it still stayed in my skin but popped out of the vein. She pushed and pushed but no more blood was coming out (this is when the sweat started to roll off my head and down my back, I felt a bit out of sorts you might say). Now I didn't want to say anything because getting blood drawn is not suppose to hurt and I didn't want to be a wimp. So instead I just started to wonder why I was sweating so much and feeling like I just got off a roller coaster. Instead of pulling the needle out, admitting defeat, taking a breathe and starting over, Nurse Hatchet just dug around some more because I guess she thought the blood would just magically start flowing. Instead it just caused me to turn a color that was a few shades paler than the Irishman I hang out with and she finally stopped and said..."hey, are you OK? you don't look good." To which in I responded, "I'm OK, are you OK? What you mean this sweating, no I sweat like this all the time, it's great, I'm pretty sure it's just my body shutting down because it knows you are trying to kill us and it would rather black out than be conscience whilst it succumbs to your medieval torture." It was that or I said something like, "no." Regardless, she was picking up what I was throwing down and perhaps out of fear that soon she would have to be picking up what I was throwing up pulled the needle out and told me to put my head down. After some water and staring at the really nasty carpet the thought of death became less appealing and I turned away from the light. Then she dove into my other arm and struck gold. The poor woman probably thought my near brush with death was her fault, which it was but I suppose a bit could be blamed on my hiking and golfing but only a bit. If that blood result comes back normal I'll eat your hat.

Friday was Wild Animal park day with Mikey's school. Let's just say after the field trip I was pricing cats. Half the kids could have cared less that they were at the zoo and the other half according to my mom didn't even know they were looking at real animals because of all the TV and video games they watch. The best part of the day for me was when the class saw the gorillas. The teacher reminded them that they had seen a movie about a gorilla that learned sign language and they all started their version of signing to the gorilla. Let's just say that Ko Ko would have been so proud because this gorilla did in deed know sign language and as plan as day told every body in Mikey's class that they were number 1. Of course when questioned by Mikey if we had just witnessed that, "that monkey flipped me off" we said, "no don't be silly" but deep down we knew, that gorilla was just sick and tired and didn't want to take it anymore and was seriously considering buying 34 cats instead of hanging out with 34 children.

Saturday started with a 6am hike and then home to wash the dishes and scrub the algae out of the pool while the dogs supervised...jealous. Then off to BBQ where I toyed with the idea of combining the cake with the hot dog bun but thought better of it because people were watching and judging. After that it was off to mass and Mikey's 4th communion, he's counting how many times he goes to communion while he is 8, chances are he will lose count soon so I bring a steak knife to mass with me so he can carve a mark to remember...don't worry, he carves it in his leg, not the pew, duh.

Today was started with 600 stairs and then a trip up to Laguna Beach for visiting and lunch with my aunt. Upon arriving home I watched in amazement as my dad perfected his calorie cutting technique by eating his sunflower seeds with an exacto knife to slice them open. Thus slowing down his intake and decreasing calorie intake...He will lose a finger by tomorrow....fingers weigh at least a pound, right? Hows that for instant weight loss.

Tomorrow I'm going to see some practice rounds for the US Open at Torrey Pines. Hopefully it won't end bad like it has for other US Open spectators. You can't bring phones to the US Open so undoubtedly I will get the call for my test results from my blood test that say I have some horrible Gorilla disease and I must hurry and eat at least 34 sunflowers seeds by 12pm. But I will miss that call because of dumb people who ruin it for everyone else by using their phones for evil instead of good while Tiger Woods is in his back swing. Thanks to them I will have to hear my shocking test results in a voice mail...which in turn will just make for a stellar blog the next day. So watch the sky for lighting and then watch the news for me.

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

Krazy Glue

My niece Kelsey is sure getting tall...until she stands next to a NBA player. Then she just looks like her head got super glued under his armpit...which is always awkward, but a good conversation starter.

Sunday, June 01, 2008

Festival Fun

My parish had their annual festival today and we schlepped my CDs in the beer garden.
We had a banner day selling them and a new banner to aide in the said selling.
Sister Madeline really dug my t-shirt and it took some trying but me and Patch and Gin finally got our roommate picture. And I ate so much lumpia that I think I have developed some sort of lump disease. The lumpia it should hold me over till next year's festival or renal failure, whichever comes first.