Friday, October 31, 2008

All Hallows Eve

If people can get free money from the government I can get free fun size candy bars right? Most of the punks who were way too old for trick-or-treating were taller than me anyway so I didn't feel to awkward. Plus, with my awesome Wal-Mart sweatshirt with built in mask, I fit right in as a super-model. I think I was the only trick-or-treater on the block who quit because their knees and back hurt.

I think the highlight for me was my sister trying to paint my nephew to complete his Bart Simpson costume. She got one arm done when she decided to read the bottle. Non-toxic does not necessarily mean you should paint your 8 year old with it. With his older brother in the background continually yelling "is that lead based paint?" Mikey got a bit nervous and a bit itchy. So we washed his arm off with only a mild redness as proof that he was ever yellow.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Come on Iowa, you really should give Jude a chance!

2 weeks till better be 86 degrees there like it is here. I'm sure it will be, hooray!

Tuesday, October 28, 2008


Happy 47Th wedding Anniversary to my mom and dad!
Is it any coincidence that their anniversary falls on the feast of St. Jude who as everyone knows is the patron saint of lost causes.
Hence my name.
Hence a lot of jokes and assumptions you can make by yourself and you certainly don't need me here for you to do that.
Good day to you.
I say good day!

Friday, October 24, 2008

Herniate Me

Tonight on Comedy Central I saw two different half hour specials starring two different comedians I have worked with.
They were on TV, while I fell asleep in a MRI machine.
True story.
Why would I make that up.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Uff Da

A seasonal Dairy Queen

Marv and Diane

Taco in a bag

Sugar beets

Waking up in Minnesota going to bed in North Dakota

Yellow Mellow is still as gross as I remember it 26 years ago.

So many things happened and it was only a span of 24 hours, oh jeez, I need a nap.

Monday, October 13, 2008

The Holy Land

Good and Bad

GOOD+I got a new phone, a blackberry. I really like it.
BAD- I turned my back on a puppy for 2 minutes and he chewed on my new phone.

BAD- I am having a panic attack because I fly to Minnesota on Wednesday and don't have a seat assignment and if I have to sit in the middle seat I will eat my own ear.
GOOD+I just checked my seat assignments and the airline I have uber frequent flyer miles with has a partnership program with this airline and automatically upgraded me to first class on 3 out of my 4 flights.

GOOD+ It's my birthday on Saturday.
BAD- I'm another year older and I still live at a home that I do not own

GOOD+ By living at home and working real hard I have been able to save money.
BAD- I invested that money in very stable stocks and bonds...oops.

GOOD+It smells like camp fire outside.
BAD- It smells that way because there are wild fires so close to our house that we can see the flames.

BAD- I went running last week.
BAD- I went running last week.

Sunday, October 05, 2008

"I want you to kill all the gophers!"

Today was Niner's couples golf. Since my mom was busy with a previous engagement (i.e. something she thought was more fun that offered more food for less effort). So it was up to me to play with my dad and concentrate really hard. You see when I concentrate I keep my head down and swing through the ball.
When that happens the ball goes far.
When I hit the ball far my dad smiles. When my dad smiles birds chirp and bunnies hop.

As I was concentrating and keeping my head down I noticed my socks. I had 2 different socks on today. Judy McDonald: she can hit the ball, she just can't dress herself, but she's good at math.
2 out of 4 aint bad.

Rare Footage

It's a fact: The last born is always the cutest and well liked by all. This causes a great deal of friction with the older and less attractive children. To counteract the favoritism shown to the youngest only 3 minutes of video can ever be taken of their child hood. Here is my 2 minutes and 43 seconds of proof that shows I once was shorter than I am now.
FYI: I still have and wear this swim suit.

Friday, October 03, 2008

Can I Call You Joe?

I watched the Vice Presidential debate last night because well, there was nothing else on. I think I now know how it feels for my parents when they come to one of my shows after watching Sarah Palin, because I was nervous for her. Not real, real nervous like butterflies, or the nerves you would experience if you had to catch a baby over hot lava while walking on a tight rope, blind folded, but nervous.
But I think she did really well and I especially liked all her, 'by gosh', 'gee's' and 'say it aint so Joe's'.
I think she won for the following reasons:

1. Joe needed a haircut. If you don't care enough to look good for your debate well, maybe you don't care enough to be my Vice President. Sarah looked great and even covered up her Tina Fey scar on her chin.
2. Yelling. The liberal hippies next door to me who had their TV turned all the way up would yell every time Palin spoke (because that always helps, dumb hippies). If she can invoke that much passion and hate in others just watching her on TV, clearly she got her point across more than long haired Joe.
3. She's on my team

As you can see I know a lot about Politics. I would like to take this moment to thank my professors at the University of San Diego for passing me in all my political science classes and not laughing out loud when I graduated with a minor in International Relations. Money well spent mom and dad!