Saturday, April 30, 2005

Judy Apple Seed

Today was a great day.
My mom and I drove over to my nephew's birthday party or we intended to go. Once we were at the dorky Yu-Gi-Oh card shop we discovered the party is actually tomorrow. I'm currently reviewing what nursing homes to put her in. All the ones I called so far said she is too young and there is nothing wrong with her and to stop calling. One good thing did come out of the trip; I found a new place to go if my self-esteem ever dwindles. Grown men playing a card game based on a childrens Japanese cartoon is liquid gold! Better than a Wal-Mart, better than hanging out at the bus depot and better than challenging the seniors at the park to race and run wind sprints.

The day got better when my ADD medicine kicked in and I was able to hyper focus on gardening. I found these packages of different wild flowers and an assortment of flower seeds. But before I could plant the buggers I had to clear half an acre of dead ice plant and snails. My grandma had the right idea when dealing with snails. She would put out little saucers of beer for them and they would drink the beer and die; I guess because snails don't have livers. Grandma killed but did it in a humane way. Not my mom. She chucks them against the fence or just plain steps on them. I think she might have some pent up rage. It's probably against me because she found the brochures I sent away for from the "homes". I really don't know how she could miss them since I tape them to her bathroom mirror.

I planted 3 different packages which all boasted, "Contains over 10,000 seeds", 10,000 seeds to a packet! Flower seeds on steroids! I planted over 30,000 seeds today and I will be happy if 3 flowers come up. I don't actually have a black thumb but it sure isn't green!

Three weeks ago I cleared a place near the trashcans and where the dogs "do their business" to plant a garden. I have tomatoes, green beans, beets, jalapeƱos, bell peppers, pumpkins and sunflowers. Today I found 5 billion ants live in my garden, snails are eating everything and the dogs still "do their business" despite my constant requests for them to cease and desist. So I think I'm going to give my vegetables away this year.
Tell all your friends!

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

So happy!

I found two dollars in my pocket tonight.
That's two dollars more than I had before I put my hand in my pocket.
That makes me happy because it's like making money without doing anything, like a raise from God.

Who is Ty Pennignton kidding? He's selling forks at Sears that he designed
How hard is it to design a fork? I don't think very, it's not like you can reinvent the fork.
They tried once, it was called the spork.

I'm going to go try to be good again so I can make more money next time I check my pockets.

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

My New Baby!

Born: April 26, 2005
Height: 9 feet 6 inches
I picked up my new Skip Frye board today! I waited almost 8 moths for this board and I can't believe it's finally done! I am too afraid to ride it because it is so pretty and shiny, I just know I'm going to drop it; or some kook is going to run into me and take a chunk out of it. Skip already rode it a few times and said it is very fast and fun. I think it's a good sign that after he shaped the board he couldn't wait to ride it. This also means I won't have to go to old lady H20 exercise as much since I can surf in style. This is good since the grandmas in the class were starting to get very jealous of my sweet water moves.

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Oh my!

I'm going to throw something out there but you have to promise not to judge me. OK here it goes...

Flaming Hot Cheetos with limon are quite good.

Are you judging me? For years I have seen little kids at schools eating bags of these things. I finally broke down and bought a bag to see what the big deal is. There must be cocaine in them because I ate the whole bag. They were not what I would call "good to eat" yet I could not stop eating them. Now I feel dirty and know that if any of my "food snob" friends find out about my bad habits I might be out of the circle of trust. But I don't care. I love you Flaming Hot Cheetos with Limon and I don't care who knows!

And yes Limon means lemon magically morphed with lime, I didn't spell it wrong!

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Pope Benedict XVI

"Dear brothers and sisters, after our great pope, John Paul II, the cardinals have elected me, a simple, humble worker in God's vineyard," according to a translation of remarks he made in Italian. "I am consoled by the fact that the Lord knows how to work and how to act, even with insufficient tools, and I especially trust in your prayers.

"In the joy of the resurrected Lord, trustful of his permanent help, we go ahead, sure that God will help. And Mary, his most beloved mother, stands on our side."

He then delivered his first "Urbi at Orbi" ("for the city and for the world") papal blessing, after which the crowd in St. Peter's Square chanted, "Viva il papa," or "Long live the pope."

The Pope is known as the Church's Shepard.
This Pope is from Germany.
Mom wanted to know if this meant he is a German Shepard.

I think I get my sense of humor from my dad.

Friday, April 15, 2005


Bravo to Lifetime Television for Women! They played the Golden Girls episode where Blanche has to deal with the IRS because of her taxes on tax day.
It's also the episode that Dorothy performs stand up comedy.
Rose does something stupid and Sophia says something cute, yadda yadda yadda.

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Flat Rat

Driving home from Los Angeles tonight I saw an awful event. At first I thought I was about to hit a supermarket plastic bag in the road. But as I got closer I could see it was a rat! I screamed like a little girl and saw the vermon go right under my car. When I looked in my rear view window I saw him (I know it was a boy rat because girl ratsalways cross with the light) doing the "which way do I run dance" between the tires of the car behind me. So wherever you are tonight Rat, I salute you.

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

What do you watch?

I watch TV. Maybe more than others but I have a good excuse, I have the ADD. ADD permits me to do 78 different things at the same time. Like right now I am typing this blog, watching King of the Hill, getting my set list together for a show tomorrow night, cooking a ham and balancing my checkbook.
Now granted I am doing none of these things very well, I am still multi-tasking.

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

That's shocking

I am back from Colorado and am very glad because there was so much static electricity in the air that I was get shocked every time I touched anything.
I'm serious; I was getting shocked when I picked up paper! It was worse than the scenes from "Office Space" when the guy would open the door to go into the office and get shocked every time. Once, I even saw a giant blue spark when I put my key into the door.
I don't mind getting a shock by finding out that my dog can talk or that Elvis is still alive and owns a White Castle in Minnesota; but I can't stand the other kind of shock. Every time it would happen I would scream like a little girl and jump back. The people I was with were shocked by my behavior at first, and then shock quickly led to utter embarrassment. My name is Judy and I am a dork.

Saturday, April 02, 2005


I just got done performing at a comedy night with my friend Mark Hart at a parish in Colorado. When we got there people were crying and wondering why we were going to perform comedy the night the Pope died. But what better way to celebrate his life!

Pope John Paul II knew that death is not the end of the story; it's just the beginning. If we have to worry about anybody at death it is not this pope, he's got the expressway home! I can't help but smile when I think of how much joy he is experiencing right now; he has no more physical pain. He died with dignity and grace and showed us that life is precious no matter how young or old you are.

My favorite memory of JPII is from the first time I saw him in Denver at a World Youth day. Millions of Catholic teens shouting, "JP2 WE LOVE YOU!" this went on and on until he quieted down the crowd and told us "JP2 He loves you!"

Twelve years later and I am back in Denver in the same hotel no less...coincidence...probably but a very cool coincidence.

The Pope's dying word was "Amen". What a great way to end a life lived as a prayer.