Tuesday, November 24, 2009

NCYC 2009 Blog

Last weekend I had the extreme pleasure of being with 22,000 of my closest friends at the National Catholic Youth Conference.  I had my very own concurrent session and was also part of the comedy club.  There's something special about walking around a convention center and knowing that if you suddenly drop dead you will get last rites from one of the countless priests walking around or even one of the 27 Bishops who flew in from all over the country (they took a plane because everyone knows only Cardinals and up can fly with the help of the their holy cape) to hang out with their flocks.

A great thing about the conference was the fact that I got to see all  my buddies who also travel and have fun jobs for Jesus.  We all had dinner at the Japanese steak house one night but I feel that none of them quite had the same experience that I had.  I just really appreciate Japanese hibachi showmanship, when good food and good entertainment meet, it's magical.

I also got to see the return of my friend Bob, who just a few months earlier suffered a series of strokes and was even paralyzed for awhile.  To see him on stage in front of thousands of people was truly awesome.  I especially liked his idea of turning a collection of piƱatas and toilet paper loose on the crowd.

It's times like this when I get to look around and feel normal with what I do. Maybe it's just being surrounded by other weird people who have the same kind of job that I do.
I get to relax and be surrounded by fun Catholic people who understand what it's like not to have a traditional job in the eyes of the secular world or in the eye's of the church.  Sometimes the only eye's that really get us is the big JC.  We work for Jesus and we also like slapstick.  This is why he sent them out in 2's...so they wouldn't feel like dorks.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Bacon Has a Face...and a snout and a curly tail.

Greetings from my new bacon free life...oops, never mind apparently I ate some friends who made their way onto my meat lovers pizza.  I thought meat lovers meant, I love...oh, never mind.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Friday, November 13, 2009

Corn, Cats and Dogs

My home for the last week has been on a family farm in Indiana and boy has it been fun and aromatic, I never really knew the punch hog manure had until I experienced it first hand.


Now that I'm in the know, I was so outraged that there was still corn in the field that I attacked it with a judo chop.  Little did I know that corn is not a passive crop.  It sucker punched me immediately after this picture was taken...I hate corn.  It's unnatural for us to eat. It comes out the same way it goes in.  And for that reason, I am denouncing corn.

But I do enjoy the sight of 30 loitering cats hanging out by the dog food.  That just puts a smile on my face and makes my nose run.  Cats on a farm are good because they give the mice something to fear.  And mice need to be taught that they are not the boss of everything.  Look at what happened to Mickey when the power went to his head.  This is why I tolerate 30 cats on a farm.  And I don't mind if they eat corn.

Of course my favorite thing on the farm is the labs. Yellow, chocolate and black all living in harmony,  truly God's favorite animal.  But, I was told not to let God's favorite animals too close to the kittens as they tend to snack on them if given the opportunity, duly noted.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Eternal Make Up

One day you will die.  Sorry, you will.  Have you thought about it?  Have you thought about the fact that one day your friends and family will gather around your coffin one last time to say goodbye?  Have you thought about the fact that they might not recognize you when they see you lying in the coffin?  Is it because your soul is gone and now you really are not there anymore, but it's just your earthly shell?  Or is it because the person who did your makeup and gave you your eternal perm had no idea who you were or what you really looked like.  The person in the coffin doesn't mind but it's more of a trauma inflicted on those saying goodbye. 
Why do funeral homes insist on putting blue eye shadow on women and blush that must be called Rosacea on the package, not good.
I remember my grandma's funeral.  Not only was it terribly sad because I lost my best friend, but when I walked up to her casket I thought there had been some sort of mistake and they were trying to pass off Robin Williams dressed up like Mrs. Doubtfire as my grandma!
I understand that once we die and especially if our bodies go through a tramatic death, it shows and we won't look that "peaceful, like she's sleeping".  But really, I don't think some places even try.
I  think funeral home make up is a special calling and I don't think enough people are picking up the phone.  I know this is a weird topic, but sooner or later it will effect all of us...unless your cremated.  Then, never mind.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009


I was in Florida this weekend and met up with old friends and also met all sorts of new friends.
My favorite adopted grandma and her family met me on Saturday after my talk and took me out for local cuisine, "Applebees".  I love my grandma, and I'm pretty sure I'm her favorite "adopted white grandkid".
Later that night my friends, the Wright's took me to partake in one of my favorite hobbies, visiting Walmarts of our Country.  So fun and so good for the soul. 
I also met Abbey.  Abbey is a retired service dog.  She's done being a helper because her master who she helped was healed!  And not just from a broken leg or a bad back but from MS...Abbey is OK with being retired I'm sure, at 12 she was probably sick of folding laundry and doing the dishes.

Apparently I might have mentioned during my talk that I am fond of Irish Catholic doctors and my new Sister friend from Uganda mentioned she had a nephew I could marry.  Her best line during our conversation was, "he's black." 

Sunday I realized my power cord for my Macbook was sitting in my house in Vista.  Now the new MacBook Pro's battery is good and lasts a long time but not 16 day good...off to Best Buy.  My ride was non other than one of my new best friends from Escondido.  Only I would have to go to Florida to meet people from 15 minutes away from my house.  Lucy and her mom and aunt were at the conference and were so much fun.  Lucy also graduated from USD and currently lives in Medjugorje and works in Mothers Village where she cares for a 2 year old little girl. USD seems to keep pumping out saints.

Oh, I also had a stare down with a cow.  The cow won.

Sunday, November 01, 2009

Des Moines, IA

It's been very exciting so far in Des Moines, Iowa.  I got to meet the Bishop AND a giant piece of corn.  Saturday night I performed for a group of young adults who gathered in the Diocese offices, which use to be a bank, but now are the offices which both confused and delighted me.  Anyway, that was very fun.  After that we drove about an hour to the St. Thomas More Center which is about 3 miles from the middle of nowhere.  On the way we were systematically stalked by suicidal deer who tried to throw themselves in front of the Suburban.  I have learned from my short time here in Iowa, that if you happen to hit a deer while driving it's best to just step on the gas and barrel through Bambi because if you were to break, it causes your vehicle to dip down and that allows the deer to break through your wind shield and impale you.  Then for the rest of your life you have to walk around with antlers sticking out of your head.  And at parties when you sit down people will mistakenly put their coats on your head because they think you are the coat rack and that's not fun, quite frankly it's embarrassing. Adult acne is hard enough.  Adult acne and deer antlers would frankly be too much.

I also saw a shop that was not open at the time but sparked my interest.  Apparently it's the place in town to go if you have a hankering for some rump roast and also have to get your bike fixed, simply brilliant.  One stop shopping at it's finest. 
We were also regaled of stories of what will happen if you die and no one finds your body for several days...and you have cats.  That cat that you took care of, petted, feed and cleaned up after, will in fact start to eat you.  True story.  I also learned that most of the chickens we eat don't have beaks.  Why?  I don't know, that was not explained to me.  All I know is that unless I see it and kill it myself, I ain't gonna eat it.  Gosh, I hope I hit a dear on the way to the airport because I have been afraid to eat since I got here.