Sunday, December 28, 2008

2008: Through the Eyes of Jude

2008 wasn't all that bad no matter what they tell you, besides, most of us are still breathing and on this side of the dirt, so that is always a plus.
And now, my 2008 recap through my one good eye.

JANUARY

Brought me to Idaho where I got to experience snow...and snow and to be reminded that this delicate flower is not made for the cold.
I also rekindled my love for the hunt as I brought down a rabid mouse and caught the whole thing on tape.
Ya, January was kind of slow.

FEBRUARY
I finally finished editing my second CD, "That's' Fun". I designed the cover all by myself and sent it off to the magic CD making place, what a relief to get it done! I edited about 7 different shows into one hour. Looking back, that was dumb and took a long time, but that is what compulsive people do. That or clean over and over and over and that's just not my thing.
This was also the month I met Jesus...in Erie PA.
Another highlight of February was performing and hanging out in the Washington D.C. area. Nothing like being funny for the children of the people who have something to do with the running of our country.
Mom and I ventured up to Solvang, CA for a show and you can't not have a good time when hanging out with Gin Gin and eating waffles.
I know if was a big thrill for him when I let Jay Leno get a picture with me during the taping of the Tonight Show. After some more therapy (for him not me) I'll be able to tell you about my encounter with Mike Rowe after the show.

MARCH
Slán go fóill! How do I keep ending up in Europe? I landed in Ireland and set in for another wild ride.
This trip included
+Speaking in the Letterkenny Cathedral (by invitation, not like I was talking to my neighbor during mass)
+Eating sushi in Glasgow and seeing a highland cows up close and personal (unrelated to the sushi, but could explain the taste).
+Finally getting to Medjugorje and meeting great people and spending Holy week doing lots of holy things.
Performing in Italy and almost getting arrested (for riding the bus without a ticket, not for my comedy).

APRIL
Spent Easter in Ireland and heard my Easter homily in Irish, so didn't feel bad this time when I just didn't get the message. I performed a few shows for the kids at the local school which is Irish speaking only, and had no idea what they were saying have the time, which made made them feel at ease when they felt the same about me. The best part of my last few days in Ireland was catching lambs with my friend Cameron...oh ya and meeting Enya's dad was weird too.
I made it back to the States just in time to audition for the Tonight Show which obviously it didn't work out that I was on the show but just the experience was cool. I often hear people say that and think they are just saying it because they are giant losers but I actually mean it and it is just a coincidence that I also happen to be a loser.
The rest of April was full of baseball games, eye surgeries and a smattering of shows around California.

MAY
What can I say, May was a month for mom's, more eye surgery, sisters and my God son's birthday. Oh ya, I made a triumphant return to Virginia to be funny for those East coast people who tend to get all my jokes, no joke.

JUNE
Very quiet June spent surfing, going to the zoo, Golf and hanging out with the family...it's a hard knock life for Jude.

JULY
July is always busy and busy means fun! Or at least for me busy means fun, I have a learning disability which diminishes my understanding of words and their meanings.
We had mom's birthday, U.S.A.'s birthday (older than mom), shows in New York, Arizona and even Bonita!
I also hoofed it up to Portland to spend some time with my sister and her family.
Oh ya and Sophia from the Golden Girls dies, but I had NOTHING to do with that.

AUGUST
August had me back across the pond to Ireland for 12 hours and back over to Medjugorje. This time it was HOT and the poor Irish kids I was with almost exploded from the exposure to the sun, it was sad but fun to watch.
I also had an opportunity to film a day with a 84 year old nun who cares for the elderly and very poor on the outskirts of Medjugorje. It made me stop complaining for at least a day.
Back to Ireland to hang out and take in the local night life. Shot a video for NET Ireland which I am still editing and avoiding by writing this blog, shhhhhh.

SEPTEMBER
SCRC, Michigan Wal-Marts and golfing with Marines, with little or no time to look after my new found past time, choreographing hamster ballet.

OCTOBER

Oh boy, October! San Diego Youth Day, my birthday, my parents 47th wedding anniversary, my addiction to my Blackberry begins, a trip to Minnesota and painting my nephew yellow, what else could a girl ask for in a month?
Herniated disks? sure, why not L4 and L5, hooray!

NOVEMBER
My parents made it back from their 2 week Hawaiian cruise to find the house still standing and I had not sold anything off on the Internet. My dad turned 70, and all sorts of out of town relatives came a calling. And for the 6th or 7th time we walked 60 miles to raise money to fight breast cancer.
Once again I was overlooked as President for the United States.

DECEMBER
I found myself in Cleveland (don't you hate when that happens? You wake up and are in the back of a taxi's trunk with a bump on your head and a microchip embedded in your back...I've said too much) for the National Conference for Catholic Youth Ministers and had a great couple of shows and met tons of people who have all promised to have me come and entertain the children of their state.

The rest of December was spent in rigorous training for my upcoming cage fighting competition...there are no pictures of that since it is top secret stuff.
Here's hoping 2009 is full of adventures and most importantly loads of graces.

The Purple Jacket Part 2: Electric Interview


Tommy Plunkett, you sir are a great camera man!

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Mac's Got the Right Idea


He just wants Baby Jesus to be born already. Merry Christmas!

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

What a busy Saturday Game: Judy Edition




Here is a fun game to play with your grandma or one of your younger kids who enjoys eating paste.
Match the pictures from my busy Saturday with the following true statements from the day.
1 - Had a staring contest and lost with said pictured friend.
2 - Am the proud new Godmother to someone in this picture.
3 - Would easily survive over them if it was just us on a deserted island and I had to hunt them down like prey before they hunted me.
4 - I am not nearly as smart as pictured friend.

Answers to come when I am reminded of them.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

The Highest Compliment

Saturday night in Cleveland, Ohio I received some very positive feedback. A woman came up to me after the show and said the following:

"I really enjoyed your comedy tonight and I need to tell you something and I hope you won't be offended."
Of course, I said "no" out loud but in my head could only imagine how I might have offended her or perhaps let some slur out that my yet to be diagnosed turrets had let fly during my set. But instead was met with these words.

"I don't know why I'm telling you this but tonight you made me laugh so hard, that I peed my pants. And I'm not just saying that and using it as an expression. I peed my pants. Thank you."

I can't make this stuff up.
As a comedian this is right up there with someone laughing so hard that they choke on their beverage and it shoots out their nose. This was truly a show to remember. I was pee your pants funny.

Now, just to clear things up, it's not funny when I pee my pants. Especially after all the money my parents spent on therapy.

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

Oh, Hi O!

About to take off for Cleveland and boy am I excited...it's snowing. And, I'm over it. I am not a snow, cold, rain, sleet, under 70 degrees kind of gal. But whatever does not kill me gives me material. Praise God.
I am heading to Cleveland to perform at the NFCYM which is a lot of letters that stand for Youth Ministers being teen free for few days and having fun and hopefully ready to laugh. If not to laugh at least to let their guard down so Catholic entertainers living in sub-youth minister poverty might more easily mug them....not me, but others.

We shall see if indeed, Cleveland rocks.

Saturday, November 29, 2008

My Hatred

On Thursday I was thankful but now it's Saturday and I can tell you what makes me angry:
Fake Christmas trees. My hatred of fake Christmas trees stems from my disdain of fake shrubbery and objects in general. It's as silly as fake fruit. Have you ever been in someones house and took a gander at a bowl of fake fruit?
First of all, usually fake fruit bowls can be spotted right away because in my experience, bananas normally don't collect dust. But if one dusts regularly and can pass off fake fruit as a real fruit bowl, what purpose does the fake fruit have? If I'm starving and bite into your well dusted fake banana I'm going to be angry not to mention probably break a tooth.
Which comes to the fake Christmas tree. Sure, it looks like a real Christmas tree. You can hang ornaments on it and even put presents under it and it can pass as a real tree. Except for one very important and some might say the most important part. The smell.
The smell which a real Christmas tree produces is right up there next to puppy breath in my book. As in the situation with the finely dusted fruit, if one is tricked into going in nose first into a fake devil tree and taking in a deep whiff ready to smell the goodness which ones expects to receive and is sadly met with plastic, well, one can become disillusioned and might even sneeze. Let trees be trees and fruit be fruit as Jesus intended them to be.

Great, now I'm still angry plus hungry for a dusty banana.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

We Laugh at Blisters!

We walked 60 miles in 3 days and raised 11.2 million dollars to help fight breast cancer...I think I might take the week off. As opposed to last week when I worked one day.
Why walk? Well, I think just writing a check for that much is silly but getting together with 5000 other people and walking 20 miles a day for 3 days in a row and camping like refugees is a more noble approach. Besides, since my mom and sister are both breast cancer survivors it's the least I can do. I'm sure they would walk for me if there was ever a A.D.D. comedian walk.

Friday, November 21, 2008

These Boots

Boots are not made for walking 60 miles. Most people aren't made for walking 60 miles. Jesus walked a lot but He is God so that doesn't count. I'm on my way for my 7th 60 mile 3 day walk to raise money for Susan G. Komen for the cure. My mom and sister survived breast cancer and all I got was this lousy walk. Me and 6000 other fools will be out and about this weekend so honk if you must but I would rather you throw tylenol.If anyone yells, "hey Aleeve" to me I will throw a punch.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Fam-Damily


All the sisters came home to celebrate Pop's 70th birthday (more of that later). So of course when we are all together we must take a family picture...because you never know when one of us might become horribly disfigured in a accident involving a hamster, pruning shears and a bottle of Nyquil, it could happen, I read about it on the internet. The internet does not lie.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Poo!

My Aunt Mary is visiting from Bismark North Dakota. Aunt Mary to you, but in this house we refer to her as Auntie Poo. Poo got her name from a nasty habit she use to have. Before you get scandalized, the habit was smoking. When I was around her I would say, "poo, that stinks". Hence the name stuck...I wasn't that original considering the day I was handing out names Uncle Boots had a certain kind of footwear on.
Anyway, my favorite thing about Auntie Poo was what she use to bring with her and that was some extra hair. I would chase people and even myself around the house with her wigs barking...I thought it was the coolest thing in the world. Auntie Poo was the first one in my life to call me an explicit but for some reason it was done so with love. I was reminded as I came in the door tonight and was greeted with one, ahhh, somethings never change. Like Auntie Poo's hair in a wind storm.

Sunday, November 09, 2008

They're Back!


After 15 days at sea the parents are back and now my house is a mess! Exscuse me, their house is a mess. While they were gone the dogs and I had ever so much fun and you can hardly see the stains on the carpet anymore.
They came bearing gifts as you can see in this picture. Me and my sister now match my dad with our "dam ship" sweat shirt. They bought them using their "dam dollars" on the "dam ship". I'm not cussing, that's just a clever Holland America Cruise line marketing ploy...pretty "dam stupid" if you ask me, but I got a free sweatshirt out of the deal. Perfect for those chilly November nights now that we are dipping into the lower 70's. Also in the picture you see the sweet Hawaiian bling bling my nephews were gifted with. They are so happy...I wonder if they still know where those leis are 24 hours after receiving them...my sweatshirt is in the closet, after being washed of course. Who knows what was on the damn thing.

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

Say what?

Tonight I was informed by my niece that one of her friends thinks I am a baller.
I have no idea what that means so I did what anyone would do after I asked the dog ans he didn't know I Googled it.
Baller
A thug that has "made it" to the big time. Originally referred ball players that made it out of the streets to make millions as a pro ball player, but now is used to describe any thug that is living large.
Example sentence: Pain is a part of the game when you're a baller.

Yep, that's me.








Saturday, November 01, 2008

Hooray for Joseph!

I first met him at USD when he was just a pup. And now he's all grown up and married, but he still can't handle his beer. I must really like Joseph because I drove all the way to San Diego today for his wedding plus I put on a dress. I usually don't like to wear a dress since when I do, I look so good that everyone around me gets such low self esteem when they see me that it's not good for our Country's morale.

Mac Davis was right, it really is hard to be humble.

Friday, October 31, 2008

All Hallows Eve


Look.
If people can get free money from the government I can get free fun size candy bars right? Most of the punks who were way too old for trick-or-treating were taller than me anyway so I didn't feel to awkward. Plus, with my awesome Wal-Mart sweatshirt with built in mask, I fit right in as a super-model. I think I was the only trick-or-treater on the block who quit because their knees and back hurt.

I think the highlight for me was my sister trying to paint my nephew to complete his Bart Simpson costume. She got one arm done when she decided to read the bottle. Non-toxic does not necessarily mean you should paint your 8 year old with it. With his older brother in the background continually yelling "is that lead based paint?" Mikey got a bit nervous and a bit itchy. So we washed his arm off with only a mild redness as proof that he was ever yellow.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Come on Iowa, you really should give Jude a chance!

2 weeks till Iowa...it better be 86 degrees there like it is here. I'm sure it will be, hooray!

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

47



Happy 47Th wedding Anniversary to my mom and dad!
Is it any coincidence that their anniversary falls on the feast of St. Jude who as everyone knows is the patron saint of lost causes.
Hence my name.
Hence a lot of jokes and assumptions you can make by yourself and you certainly don't need me here for you to do that.
Good day to you.
I say good day!

Friday, October 24, 2008

Herniate Me

Tonight on Comedy Central I saw two different half hour specials starring two different comedians I have worked with.
They were on TV, while I fell asleep in a MRI machine.
True story.
Why would I make that up.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Uff Da

A seasonal Dairy Queen

Marv and Diane

Taco in a bag

Sugar beets

Waking up in Minnesota going to bed in North Dakota

Yellow Mellow is still as gross as I remember it 26 years ago.

So many things happened and it was only a span of 24 hours, oh jeez, I need a nap.

Monday, October 13, 2008

The Holy Land

Good and Bad

GOOD+I got a new phone, a blackberry. I really like it.
BAD- I turned my back on a puppy for 2 minutes and he chewed on my new phone.

BAD- I am having a panic attack because I fly to Minnesota on Wednesday and don't have a seat assignment and if I have to sit in the middle seat I will eat my own ear.
GOOD+I just checked my seat assignments and the airline I have uber frequent flyer miles with has a partnership program with this airline and automatically upgraded me to first class on 3 out of my 4 flights.

GOOD+ It's my birthday on Saturday.
BAD- I'm another year older and I still live at a home that I do not own

GOOD+ By living at home and working real hard I have been able to save money.
BAD- I invested that money in very stable stocks and bonds...oops.

GOOD+It smells like camp fire outside.
BAD- It smells that way because there are wild fires so close to our house that we can see the flames.

BAD- I went running last week.
BAD- I went running last week.

Sunday, October 05, 2008

"I want you to kill all the gophers!"

Today was Niner's couples golf. Since my mom was busy with a previous engagement (i.e. something she thought was more fun that offered more food for less effort). So it was up to me to play with my dad and concentrate really hard. You see when I concentrate I keep my head down and swing through the ball.
When that happens the ball goes far.
When I hit the ball far my dad smiles. When my dad smiles birds chirp and bunnies hop.

As I was concentrating and keeping my head down I noticed my socks. I had 2 different socks on today. Judy McDonald: she can hit the ball, she just can't dress herself, but she's good at math.
2 out of 4 aint bad.

Rare Footage

video
It's a fact: The last born is always the cutest and well liked by all. This causes a great deal of friction with the older and less attractive children. To counteract the favoritism shown to the youngest only 3 minutes of video can ever be taken of their child hood. Here is my 2 minutes and 43 seconds of proof that shows I once was shorter than I am now.
FYI: I still have and wear this swim suit.

Friday, October 03, 2008

Can I Call You Joe?

I watched the Vice Presidential debate last night because well, there was nothing else on. I think I now know how it feels for my parents when they come to one of my shows after watching Sarah Palin, because I was nervous for her. Not real, real nervous like butterflies, or the nerves you would experience if you had to catch a baby over hot lava while walking on a tight rope, blind folded, but nervous.
But I think she did really well and I especially liked all her, 'by gosh', 'gee's' and 'say it aint so Joe's'.
I think she won for the following reasons:

1. Joe needed a haircut. If you don't care enough to look good for your debate well, maybe you don't care enough to be my Vice President. Sarah looked great and even covered up her Tina Fey scar on her chin.
2. Yelling. The liberal hippies next door to me who had their TV turned all the way up would yell every time Palin spoke (because that always helps, dumb hippies). If she can invoke that much passion and hate in others just watching her on TV, clearly she got her point across more than long haired Joe.
3. She's on my team

As you can see I know a lot about Politics. I would like to take this moment to thank my professors at the University of San Diego for passing me in all my political science classes and not laughing out loud when I graduated with a minor in International Relations. Money well spent mom and dad!

Monday, September 29, 2008

Tee It Up For the Troops

Waking up around 3am for a 5:30 a.m. Eastern Standard time departure from Grand Rapids had me in San Diego by 10:30 a.m. Pacific Standard Time and on the freeway heading north by 11am.
By 12pm I had gone home, showered and gotten my golf clubs all in time to be at the course for a 12:30 tee time with three Marines. We didn't win or even come close to finishing in the top half of the field but we had fun...and this counts for my part for the war effort.
Now I'm finally ready to go to bed after being up for 24 hours and although I'm so tired that my eyebrows ache I cant seem to fall asleep. Perhaps I an go count some tiles some where or work on long division or maybe even figure an appropriate bail out that everyone can agree on. So much to do!

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Goodbye Michigan


Thanks to my newly adopted Michigan brother Max for showing me around the Wal-Mart in town and to all the Parishioners at Holy Family Catholic Church who have incredible taste and a flare for electronic advertising.

Saturday, September 27, 2008

We All Scream for Michigan!



Look how happy Michigan has made me. I don't know if it's all Michigan or the fact that I woke up at 3:30am and took two planes to get here on no hours of sleep and then ate 4 gallons of ice cream.
Either way, my first trip to Michigan is good so far.
Tomorrow is the show but more importantly before the show, a trip to a Michigan Walmart!
Photos to follow.

Monday, September 22, 2008

Up - Dog


This is Mac and Mikey. This photo was taken when they were both puppies. Mac is on the left. Old photo's are great. An 8 year old photograph is not usually concerned to be old but since I am talking about digital photos, it's old. 8 is old for a digital photo. And according to my dad, 8 is also old for a golden retriever. I think he is mistaken because according to a deal I have with Jesus, Mac will be around for along time. I guess this means Mikey should watch out because I have no similar deals with Jesus concerning him.

WARNING

Heads up.
The Chargers won tonight.
According to the Bible, next will be war, famine and death.
If the Padres win this week, grab your gun and head for the hills.

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Proof

I was always a very happy child.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Government Check

Everyday I love walking down to the mailbox and getting the mail. Sometimes I make the trek just to get out in the fresh air and sunshine for a few minutes. But deep down I check the mail to see if today is the day Uncle Sam sends me my check. I make it down to the end of the driveway and come dangerously close to the idiots who fly past the house on a blind corner while walking to the front of the box to peer inside. A few years ago after losing many boxes to "mailbox baseball' my dad put in a steel box and pole. Now they can swing but we can guarantee you won't get a hit. Along with the steel trap of death box comes a lock because I'm not the only one who likes to get our mail. So now you either need a key or small child like hands with long arms to steal our mail. As I peer inside I see the mail and the coveted penny saver and I go in. I sort through and wouldn't you know it, no check from the government. Ever since I filed my income taxes I have been waiting for my check to stimulate the economy. And everyday I shut the mail box sad because no check. It's like when you mail off box tops for a secret decoder ring and the 6 to 9 weeks seems like a lifetime. Finally after months of waiting I was told that I didn't make enough last year to get a 'stimulate the economy check' that all my friends are raving about. Now I'm not into conspiracy theories but every since I learned about this the economy took a major dive. I'm not saying anything that you aren't already thinking. Perhaps my $300 could have made the difference. We will never know. The good news is that their is a dead bunny at the end of the driveway that my mom swears is just taking a nap. Bad news for the napping bunny but good news for me because now I can spend the next few weeks watching natures television. I might even get a rabbits foot out of the deal.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Fam-Damily Party




Some of my nicer cousins and second cousins squatted down and let me stand on my tippy toes to take a picture today.
You see, I am vertically challenged when compared to most of my family. I come from a long line of Scotch-Irish-Amazons, we are a very rare breed but a proud people.

Friday, September 12, 2008

Walk On

I have been walking. No, not just to the bathroom or the car, I have been walking on the beach this week. And not just little walks but 10 mile walks. Why? I don't really know and I'm kind of concerned over this new behavior. It's one thing to run. Running is just stupid and makes your knees hurt. Sure you look great after running for a few months but you limp because your knees hurt and that takes away from how good you look because people start thinking of ways you might have hurt yourself and are limping and by the time they go to ask you to marry you you have already limped away.
I think I like walking on the beach because I can't stand still Or more important, I can not sit or lie still at the beach. So walking is a way of being at the beach but going slow enough to still take in all the beach without just doing nothing.
Another thing I discovered I really like are teeny tiny beach birds. Not to eat but to watch. I think they are sand pipers but really, I don't think they mind if I get their names wrong. Those birds run. They run to the edge of the water an like little kids, wait till the waves almost hit them and then run in unison back up the shore (granted little kids are not eating sand crabs to survive and wouldn't be crushed by the impending waves it it hit them but none the less that's what the damn birds remind me of). So I like them and could watch them all day long. Yet I don't like to watch them on TV. I guess that's similar to how I like going to a baseball games but not to watch baseball on TV...wow, this blog is a cry for help, I have been inside too long, I must go to the beach and watch my favorite program.

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

Slavka had it Right

So much happened on my trip to Europe that I did not get to report on it as it happened because I just did not want to glaze over it but wanted to explain it and take my time. Well, I know I will never have the amount of time it would take to explain what happened in Medjugorje so no time like the present to try to explain it here.
In March some of the kids on the trip from Ireland went and volunteered with this nun, Sister Muriel. "They went with her into the hills and fed old people", was the report they told me. I went with them to deliver some donations and met her, she was a nice lady from Boston and had the accent to match. Just about a month ago I was in Medjugorje again with my new video camera and asked if I could go along with Sister as she made her deliveries and what an experience it was!
A little back ground for you, sister came to Medjugorje when she was 68 and that was 16 years ago. At 84 she delivers food and supplies to about 250 "old people" as she calls them who live up in the surrounding villages far from the gift shops and pilgrims who flood Medjugorje. She has one other lady who helps her but other than the weekly helpers (usually from Ireland) in the summer who drive along with her to make her deliveries it's just her and Mary. She decided to help the poor who really have no way out of their poverty and for the most part these are elderly women. Most of whom took care of their aging parents or disabled siblings and never got married themselves and no are alone with no income or pension, gulp. I am assured that Uncle Sam can at least allow me to buy cat food when I am 84..maybe. Anyway usually these women's 'houses' consisted of one room, no running water, maybe electricity, maybe a stove, a bed, a chair a table and lots and lots of Mary and Jesus pictures on the wall. They were all around the same age as Sister Muriel but not as in good as shape. At times with no ones to talk to for days they were more excited to see Sister to talk to someone (even though Sister barely understands Croatian) than the food she was bringing them. Their faces would light up and especially when they saw the 2 teenage boys we brought along that day to help us deliver. The 2 were named Sean (go figure) but Sister changed it to John and then the Croatian Ivan so the people would understand better, apparently you don't find a lot of Sean's running around he former Yugoslavia. As poor as they were what they lacked more than material needs was human interaction and attention.

The more people we visited the more I stopped feeling sorry for them and started feeling bad for what I take for granted on a daily basis. Obviously for the surplus of food, clothing and shelter I have but also for the people I have in my life. For the first time I understood why things often get in the way from appreciating just what I have in my life. They sometimes even get in the way of people.
For the first time it made sense that I don't need to buy something just cause I want it. Chances are I have the same thing at home but it got lost in the shuffle amidst the piles of other "stuff" that if I lived to be 100 would never have time to wear, watch, play, eat and listen too. The people in the mountains have nothing. But they had something that people in our culture lack. They had a sense of peace. They had a happiness that this world does not recognize. Sure, given the choice you, me or the poor grandma living in a one room house would be drawn to a life of security of three meals a day, running water, friends and cable TV. But never knowing that, these people rely on something else. Something that you can't see or hold tangibly in your hands. Their faith is unwavering.
I think back to a woman who's sister who she had always lived with had recently died of cancer and her only neighbor who we had just visited was dying in her bed alone. She was in mourning and faced with the fact that soon she would be totally alone with only Sister visiting her one maybe twice a month if time allowed. Through her tears she wanted to know how Sister Muriel was. Was she OK? It stopped me dead in my tracks. Not once did she express a "why me" or "can't someone do anything" or even the famous, "where is God?" All she wanted to know was how Sister was and struggled to get up and bring chairs out for us to sit on. I know I would be singing a different tune. I stub a toe and I want to consult with toe specialists and numb it up to not feel any discomfort. I was in awe of this tough mountain grandma who's beard was healthier than most lumber jacks.
Going from people who have nothing of material value but are so filled with a quiet joy to my world of loud music, fast Internet and many times people who have the world but lack so much joy made my head spin. I thought after leaving the final house we visited that this would be it. I would go home sell all I own, shave my head, eat nothing but dirt and live under a rock. Or at least never complain again about anything EVER. But wouldn't you know it not 2 days later, being human crept back into my psyche again and I was really mad when the movie on the flight home was the same one I saw flying out.
But some things have changed. For one, I got rid of about half of what I owned and don't miss any of it. I went through my closet and gave away things that I was keeping just to keep. Space taker uppers. Junk that at the time I just had to have it.
I think before I buy things now. Not, can I afford this, because the answer if no (no matter what, even gum I need to put on layaway). But I think, am I buying this because I need it or because I am bored, bothered, anxious or empty? What do I really want?
I'm slowing down more and looking at the big picture. Not getting mad at people who are slow at the supermarket or cut me off in traffic. I'm seeing how blessed I am to have been born in the Country, State, City and family that I'm in.
And if anything it hasn't made me think my career as silly on the big scheme of things but on the contrary, I can see how lucky I am to make people laugh for a living. I hope to never take for granted my life and the opportunities I have every day. Don't get me wrong, I still like my stuff, but now hopefully, I will begin to put more value on true wealth instead of the kind that is passing. And anyone who deals with any business lately knows how it's all passing.
So there, that was my story about a 84 year old nun who is in better shape than me making a difference. You will probably never hear about her after she dies or see a movie based on her life. But in her own quiet determined way she saw a problem and instead of asking, why doesn't anyone help those people? decided she was just a good a person as any to do something about it. I'll keep telling jokes for now, Sister Muriel has a good 20 years in her until she needs replacing. Not it. Called it. No stampies. I also would like to say that being rich does not make you evil. You can be a very good person and be happy and find peace with lot's of money. I keep telling God that I'll prove it to Him. I guess I need to help out a bit by buying a lotto ticket.
You can visit Sister's site if the gnawing guilt has gotten to you: http://www.saintjosephtheworker.org/index.asp
That's right, Sister ain't afraid to go all WORLD WIDE WEB on you.

Monday, September 01, 2008

Fair Trade

Matt and I signed our CD's for each others mom's. Too bad my mom will never get it.
In a unrelated story I have changed my name to Ginny.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

So Close



Only another $195 to my fund raising goal for the Susan G. Komen for the Cure (Breast Cancer cure not the band) 3 Day walk. So if you have any rich uncles or need a tax write off, I will be here for you. Click on my survivor mom and sister for the link. You can click on me as well, but that just sounds weird and a bit bossy. Really, click where ever you like, I just need to raise the rest of the money so I can focus on more important things like, whirled peas. Why does everyone want whirled peas? Gross.

My Schedule

Dublin,plane, sleep, New York, plane, sleep, car, sleep, car, Monrovia, comedy, car...sleep, right? The best part about coming back and adjusting to the time is the 2am feedings. I'm very glad to be back but I miss how the cancer causing fake sugar that the FDA won't let in the country makes European Diet Coke taste like regular Coke. I miss walking everywhere, I tried to walk somewhere in LA today and someone called 911. I miss sheep. I miss how it rained everyday...oh wait I like it here, never mind. All better.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Dublin

I almost got in a fight today, in the end everything turned out ok.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Sheep

The other, other, other white meat. No sir, I have not been on any farms...I burned these shoes after walking on this dirt, I swear I did, no hoof and mouth here, just hoof and ear.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

It's Always Greener Here...So This Must Be The Other Side

Well, I am back in Ireland and wouldn't ya know...it's freezing! But, I am the tannest kid on the block.  I will regale stories of travels once I am back with a steady stream of Wi-Fi, currently I am stealing from a farmer.  Stay green.

Thursday, August 07, 2008

2 Weeks Notice

I leave tomorrow morning for Ireland...where for a whole day I will be taking in the sights of the Belfast airport while waiting for my Irish counterparts to meet me for our evening flight to Dubrovnik. After a week in Medjugorje, Bosnia-Herzegovina, I will return to Ireland for a week of eligible Catholic Doctor research. Stay tuned for updates.

Monday, August 04, 2008

Fam-Damily

I leave my nieces in Portland to head back to San Diego, feeling a bit older and definitely shorter...I thought they were just born and now they already use bigger words than me. I think I at least have better credit than at least one of them still.

We Love Portland

It's getting pretty weird.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Diorama-lamma-ding-dong

Sydney surprised me with the greatest gift I have ever received, a diorama of the Rolloff's and their farm complete with pumpkins! She is very talented...now I just have to figure out how to get this thing home.

Thr Great Quake of '08

About an hour ago the earth shook and I didn't even get to feel it because I was driving to the airport for my trip to Portland.
Every other state that has horrible natural disasters at least get warnings, us Californians usually don't know it hit until it's over. For a minute you look at each other to make sure somebody else feels what your feeling and that it s just not the tacos you ate last night. Even after you both make eye contact and say, "maybe we should get under a doorway" by the time you get off the couch to do so, it' over. No big whoop. Not so much shaking as a gentle roll. As it happened I was driving by the Mormon space ship in La Jolla and I thought, "now that would be a funny way to die." But I was spared. I know deep in my heart I will be killed on my 80th birthday while running with the bulls.
I was once knocked unconscious during an earthquake in the 80's. My sister and I were asleep when the quake hit and I awoke screaming for my mom. Like a good sister she picked me up to take me down the hall to my parents room. I just wished she would have payed more attention as we turned the corner because maybe then my head would not have hit the wall. Since I stopped crying (you can't cry when your knocked out) she guessed my meltdown had passed and returned me to my bed. And that, boys and girls, is why I am the way I am: Earthquake related brain trauma.

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Steubenville West 2008


In Tucson there is a thing called a monsoon, it's like a mongoose but different.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

R.I.P. Sophia...

Estelle Getty of 'Golden Girls' dies at 84
Tue Jul 22, 12:37 PM PDT

Estelle Getty, the diminutive actress who spent 40 years struggling for success before landing a role of a lifetime in 1985 as the sarcastic octogenarian Sophia on TV's "The Golden Girls," has died. She was 84.

Getty, who suffered from advanced dementia, died at about 5:30 a.m. Tuesday at her Hollywood Boulevard home, said her son, Carl Gettleman of Santa Monica.

"Estelle always wanted to be an actress, and she achieved that goal beyond her dreams," former "Golden Girls" co-star Rue McClanahan told The Associated Press. "Don't feel sad about her passing. She will always be with us in her crowning achievement, Sophia."The Golden Girls," featuring four female retirees sharing a house in Miami, grew out of NBC programming chief Brandon Tartikoff's belief that television was ignoring its older viewers.

Three of its stars had already appeared in previous series: Bea Arthur in "Maude," Betty White in "The Mary Tyler Moore Show" and McClanahan in "Mama's Family." The last character to be cast was Sophia Petrillo, the feisty 80-something mother of Arthur's character.

"Our mother-daughter relationship was one of the greatest comic duos ever, and I will miss her," Arthur said in a statement.

When she auditioned, Getty was appearing on stage in Hollywood as the carping Jewish mother in Harvey Fierstein's play "Torch Song Trilogy." In her early 60s, she flunked her "Golden Girls" test twice because it was believed she didn't look old enough to play 80.

"I could understand that," she told an interviewer a year after the show debuted. "I walk fast, I move fast, I talk fast."

She came prepared for the third audition, however, wearing dowdy clothes and telling an NBC makeup artist, "To you this is just a job. To me it's my entire career down the toilet unless you make me look 80." The artist did, Getty got the job and won two Emmys.

"The only comfort at this moment is that although Estelle has moved on, Sophia will always be with us," White said in an e-mail to The Associated Press.

"The Golden Girls" culminated a long struggle for success during which Getty worked low-paying office jobs to help support her family while she tried to make it as a stage actress.

"I knew I could be seduced by success in another field, so I'd say, 'Don't promote me, please,'" she recalled.

She also appeared in small parts in a handful of films and TV movies during that time, including "Tootsie," "Deadly Force" and "Victims for Victims: The Theresa Saldana Story."

After her success in "The Golden Girls," other roles came her way. She played Cher's mother in "Mask," Sylvester Stallone's in "Stop or My Mom Will Shoot" and Barry Manilow's in the TV film "Copacabana." Other credits included "Mannequin" and "Stuart Little" (as the voice of Grandma Estelle).

"The Golden Girls," which ran from 1985 to 1992, was an immediate hit, and Sophia, who began as a minor character, soon evolved into a major one.

Audiences particularly loved the verbal zingers Getty would hurl at the other three. When McClanahan's libidinous character Blanche once complained that her life was an open book, Sophia shot back, "Your life's an open blouse."

"I always told her she should be a standup comic. She was so funny in person," McClanahan recalled. "She would always say, 'Why couldn't we make these characters Jewish? Why am I Sicilian?'"

Getty had gained a knack for one-liners in her late teens when she did standup comedy at a Catskills hotel. Female comedians were rare in those days, however, and she bombed.

Undeterred, she continued to pursue a career in entertainment, and while her parents were encouraging, her father also insisted that she learn office skills so she would have something to fall back on.

Born Estelle Scher to Polish immigrants in New York, Getty fell in love with theater when she saw a vaudeville show at age 4.

She married New York businessman Arthur Gettleman (the source of her stage name) in 1947, and they had two sons, Carl and Barry. The marriage prevailed despite her long absences on the road and in "The Golden Girls."

Getty was evasive about her height, acknowledging only that she was "under 5 feet and under 100 pounds."

McClanahan said her nickname for Getty was "Slats."

"Because she was so short, itty-bitty," she said.

In addition to her son Carl, Getty is survived by son Barry Gettleman, of Miami; a brother, David Scher of London; and a sister, Rosilyn Howard of Las Vegas.

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Back Off I'm a Comedian

It must be time for my Botox injection again. In the last two days, three strangers have commented on my scowl. That's right I'm a frowner. For the most part I don't frown on things, I just frown. Perhaps it's lazy eyebrow muscles or maybe I squint a lot because I live in paradise and the sun is constantly out. Regardless of the why the fact is that I look angry most of the time when in reality I am only angry about 80% of the time.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

East to West

I'll be back to San Diego tonight after a great few days in New York. I will wave over ever state I fly over so go outside and write something on the ground. But make the letters really big because I can't see that far...and it will be at night time so set the letters on fire. Or just maybe don't do any of those things and instead send a check.
Thank you

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Pro-carbs



Having a bakery good time in New York

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

What's So Golden About the Golden Girls?

There are many opportunities in life to bond with one's parents. Playing catch with your dad, walking on the beach with your mom, playing catch with your mom on the beach while your dad watches or selling watches out of the back of your mom's car while your dad watches for cops. The choices are endless, but how many of us take the time to bond?
Well, I do losers.
I bond better than Goop glue. And what has brought the bonding together? The Golden Girls. None other than Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak, Blanche Devereaux, Sophia Petrillo and Rose Nylund. Those sexy senior citizens bridge the age gap between me and my mom...and what about my dad? He bonds with us because he hates that show. It turns out Bea Arthur was on a show called 'Maude' a few years back which my dad did not agree with a certain episode so now every Golden Girl must now carry the shame and resenment of Patch. Good thing they have such broad shoulder pads.
The goodness that comes from watching the Golden Girls with my mom is that we can both laugh at old ladies saying dirty things but it's OK because it's on Lifetime and that's not naughty. My mom can say, "oh she's so bad" when Sophia says something inappropriate and I can silently agree with Sophia and wonder why my mom thought that what she said was inappropriate but be happy that she's mad at Sophia and not at me.
We can judge Blanche for being a swinging gal but then also judge Dorothy for judging Blanche for being said gal and feel good that we aren't as bad as either of them. And of course we all feel smarter than Rose who always seems to get the best lines and in the end is vastly morally upstanding than have the population of Miami.
The Golden Girls proves that at the end of the day Catholics, Lutherans and Baptists can come together and solve any problem that might come their way as long as they stick together and eat cheesecake.

Monday, July 07, 2008

ATTENTION

Have you or a loved one recently lost a shoe? Because my mom found one and it's really put a cramp in her style. Today I came home and found a brown sandal in my room. It actually frightened me because at first I thought some assailant had broken into my room (not the house, just my room) and had taken off just one shoe and was trying on my clothes in another room. Either that or I thought the one legged man at my church finally wanted to answer my questions I had about his shoe buying tendencies.
But I was wrong. My mom simply found this brown sandal under our guest room (which we call grandma's room, even though grandma lives in heaven with Jesus and every dog I ever owned) under the bed. Just like every other thing that is found in our house that does not have a specific resting place it gets sucked into the vortex that is my room. "What's this Barbie head doing on the floor? Oh, must be Jude's." OK, bad example. But you get the idea, whatever s floating around eventually ends up in my space. My cell. My crib.
That is the main reason why I was scared when I gazed upon the shoe because I thought my mom might have found a homeless man and mistakenly put him away in my room.
So please, if you have stayed in our house in the last year and you have lost a sandal please inform us so it can leave my room. Even if you were not an invited guest and just happened to break in to take a nap let us know, that's not as creepy as coming home to articles of clothing, wigs and Barbie heads stacked up in my room.

Friday, July 04, 2008

Marathons, Sharks and Communist Dogs

Happy Birthday America, I forgot to get you anything...instead I sat on my butt and watch hours of television. It started this morning with "She's Got the Look". It was like seeing a horrible car accident involving want-a-bee models over 35, I couldn't take my eyes off it! I also flipped to "King of The Hill" and "Twilight Zone" Marathons because I enjoy the finer things in life.
Then the movie "Jaws" came on and well, I'm a sucker for Chief Brody and who doesn't like a young sexy Richard Dreyfus. Then "Jaws II" came on (Jaws II Electric Boogaloo) and once again that Chief Brody had to do everything himself and kill the giant fish all by himself with the help of a giant power cord. After two down I had to stay and watch "Jaws 3". That was a favorite of mine when I was little because it takes place in Sea World and the giant momma shark comes looking for her giant baby shark and eats water skiers, now you understand how a 7 year old would absolutely LOVE this movie. By the time "Jaws: The Revenge" came on I was just too stuck to the chair to physically get up. Michael Cane who appeared in this movie had the best quote when he said, "I have never seen it, but by all accounts it is terrible. However, I have seen the house that it built, and it is terrific." Silly Englishman.

By the time all the blood had cleared the water the local fireworks began and I was again reminded that my dog hates America. OK, he does not hate America, just fireworks. I guess if I had super hearing I would not be too keen on them either. It happens a few times a week because we live close to the Marine Base and when they practice shooting things with their tanks Mac goes from a tough 8 year old 70 pound golden retriever to a quivering little puppy who tries to get into any lap he can. This can be cute but also proves embarrassing at dinner parties. So tonight as I type this with a golden retriever on my lap I say, "Happy Birthday America and thanks for the great television programming for your birthday!" Amen.

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Happy Birthday Mom!




Today, to celebrate my mom's birthday we all went golfing and my mom shot her age!

Too bad we only played nine.

The good news is that we all had fun, we got to eat soup and no one lost an eye, in our family that's a good day!