Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Here Mate!

Sitting and waiting to leave on the plane. Frankfurt to New York to Houston and then on down to the Bayou. I have way to many dialects floating in my brain so I apologize in advance for my speech for the next few weeks.

Friday, August 25, 2006


This is my new German posse. Don't mess with my gang, we have mad skills.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

German Art

To each his own.
Having fun in Heidleberg.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

First Class All The Way to Heaven

Flying first class to Germany is not that great...
OK just kidding, it's awesome, ha ha ha....sorry, that will probably cost me a few clicks in purgatory, oh well, it's worth it, such leg room!

Sunday, August 20, 2006

All My Bags Are Packed

One last surf before I left. On this wave I am raising my fist I guess, in defiance against "the man".
I look naked in this photo but I can assure you I was not.
Tomorrow Texas.
Wednesday Germany...Why did I watch Castaway last night? That airplane meeting the ocean scene was not the thing to watch before going on a plane over a big ocean.
See you on the other side...Of the ocean that is.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Summer Time...

...And the dogs are living easy.
Here in California this is how we roll.
We roll in the pool.
We roll in the pool underwater until we get sea sick.
Today after getting out of the pool the yellow lab came over to me and hurled on my foot.
Summer time and my foot has dog sick on it....All right!
I have been surfing as much as I can to get it out of my system because come Monday the only surfing I will be doing is via the internet. I won't be back to the west side till the first part of October...dang, I have to pack...I stink at packing! Do I pack a big suitcase or two little suitcases. Do I pack my October cold clothes now even though it's hot and if I wore them now I would stroke out plus look extremely silly? You think comedians are happy ha ha all the time, well now you know, not so much.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

I Ain't Scared

We have all felt it; the feeling of your heart actually lurching up into your throat as the teacher calls your name to come up in front of the whole class. Your palms sweat, your mouth gets dry and suddenly your lunch you just ate wants to come back up to say hello. All eyes, ears and a few noses are on you. So dance monkey, dance! Entertain, be engaging, make them laugh, make them think, make them for the love of God stop looking at you, their stare is penetrating your very soul!

Jerry Seinfeld is quoted as saying, "According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you're better off in the casket than doing the eulogy."

Does this ring true in your life? Are scared to death to speak where two or more are gathered? "For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them." (Matthew 18:20) Why be scared, Jesus is there!

Speaking from the perspective as someone who does this for a living (not getting up in front of a class but as a stand up comedian) I can tell you that speaking in front of 4,500 people does not scare me in the least. It's the speaking in front of one person that catches me off guard.

For me, I know my chances are better the more people I get in front of. Have you ever had a joke bomb in front of thousands of people? Me neither but I hear it's not that bad because even if just half of 4,500 people laugh that's still 2250 laughing people. Bombing in front of 1 person, well you get the idea.

No one likes to look dumb in front of his or her peers, or alone for that matter. I think many times in our lives we avoid speaking in front of a few friends let alone thousands because we are afraid of what they will think of us.

They might see the zit, hear that voice crack or figure out that sometimes I really don't know what the heck I'm talking about. Guess what, that IS scary! But do you know what I discovered? We are all in the same boat. I know a lot of people who talk smooth and look good and there's not one of them who doesn't have an off day every once in awhile except Chuck Norris but I don't actually know him so it doesn't count.

The beautiful thing about us humans is that we are not perfect. Let me repeat that so I can hear it, humans are not perfect! So in theory, when imperfect humans get up in front of other imperfect humans chances are something is bound to go wrong from time to time. The good news is that in fact, none of us has it all together all the time so you should never be ashamed to let your voice be heard. Because in reality the people you are scared to look stupid in front of are just as scared to look stupid in front of you.

Isn't that so cool?

The day I became comfortable on stage and even in talking to people one on one was when I embraced my imperfectness. In fact when I embraced my dorkiness. It's the day I was able to accept the fact that I may not be perfect and well, I'm proud of it and I'm not going to try to hide it.

I also have to admit right now that it's wasn't an actual day that I discovered this but a slow, long and quite painful process that I'm just trying to speed up for you by cluing you in on what I learned.

Fear God not people. You never have to worry about God thinking you are dumb because He already knows you are pretty cool. How does He know? Well duh, He made you and as the poster states; "God don't make no junk!"

If all else fails and you are still a nervous wreck and you feel like you are going to hurl when you have to talk to one or a thousand people just do what I do and picture everybody in their underwear. You still might have to hurl but it might just even the playing ground enough to let you say what's on your heart.

My dad and I went to the Padre game and wouldn't you know it, our heads got superglued together! And to add salt to the wound, the Pads lost. Good thing football season is right around the corner...Good thing we live in the climatic wonderland of the United States, it makes up for our sports teams.

Sunday, August 13, 2006

Happy Birthday to Billy and GK!

Keep talking because you help me fall asleep faster than a gulp of nyquil or a mallet to the head! And GK, you tell good stories, keep on keeping on.

Friday, August 11, 2006

Ich spreche nicht Deutsches sehr gut!

I leave for Germany in 11 days so I have been brushing up on the language...thanks google translate...you Felsen!

Ich mag nicht Frauen mit den Schnurrbärten.

Mein Hund bittet mich, schlechte Sachen zu tun .

Ich habe nicht genügend Geld, zum meines Gasbehälters zu füllen, aber ich fliege nach Deutschland in der ersten Kategorie.

Gott ist mein Chef.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

SPF 50

I just ate a donut and I don't even care. Join me on this journey of deep fried batter of goodness won't you? Shed your inhibitions and come to the donut side...Don't be afraid, donuts are our friends. Except bear claws...Bear claws are evil.

On a side note I think I got way too much sun today.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Did you know the most common insurance claim on a cell phone is water damage due from the cell phone meeting the inside of a toilet bowl?
Do you know how I know this?
Ya...I dropped my phone off in the proverbial pool.
So think twice before borrowing my cell phone.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Steubenville San Diego....done.
Next stop, Clearwater, Florida.