Friday, May 29, 2009


Tonight is Jay Leno's last night as the host of Tonight Show. I'm sure he is kicking himself for not having me on the actual Tonight Show while the camera was on, but sitting on the couch right before the show last year was all I could give him.

I'm saving myself for Conan.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Dogs Playing Poker

I like Art.
Classy art.
If you have ever been over to my house or just happen to be one of my stalkers that peeks in you undoubtedly have noticed my collection and have uttered the word, "classy".
The framed Bing Crosby prints and posters from his golf tournaments, sure. The posters and bills from my comedy shows. The signed black and white 8 by 10' of my comedy heroes; Don Rinkles, Betty White, Tim Conway, and Bob Newhart. Right next to them, Pope John Paul II and Mother Teresa; one of my favorite comedy teams, come on, you know between the two of them some jokes had to be cracked and if you didn't get them it was because you were not holy enough too. We move on to the Jesus playing hockey painting. Various crucifixes I rescued from a Belgium flea market that were surely pillaged from a closing church. Numerous photographs of friends and family and oddities I picked up during my travels doing stand-up.
And then the piece I am most proud of.
Dogs Playing Poker.
About 15 years ago when my mom decided that our family room should not look like a brothel just because we have a bar and cards were being played on a regular bases the DPP came down. After negotiations they were not throw out but stored under the bar where they rested in between 40 year old bottles of fermenting booze (which was best enjoyed after opening and after proper refrigeration) and other junk that didn't fit anywhere else.
about 10 years ago while moving into an apartment for the semester at USD I found them and they promptly went up on my wall. How proud I was. How good I felt to educate people on how lucky I was to have such art hanging in my room. I was borrowing art from my parents.
I moved and down came the DPP and they found their way into my closet where they have been resting until yesterday when they saw the light again.
Not wanting to show off I just put one up for now. "A FRIEND IN NEED" is now proudly displayed in a place of honor, right below Bing but not above Jesus.
Every time I gaze upon it I saw a prayer of thanksgiving for the artist who painted it, C. M. Coolidge and also for the people in the sweat shop who recreated the one that hangs on my wall.

Friday, May 15, 2009

Mission San Luis Rey

Tonight i did a show for the jolly Franciscan Friars. Didn't actually see any of the Friars, but I knew they were there, I could hear them giggling.


Have you heard of Twitter? It's like the lazy man's blog. You have 140 characters to say something. Doesn't matter what. It could be what your doing, who your stalking, what you just ate, what's trying to eat you, anything. As long as you get it in 140 characters. It's like blogging for the severe A.D.D.

Just look at my last week of "tweets"

  1. Thank you 30 Rock for writing a line for Alan Alda which included "baby" and "chicken". I get you and I appreciate it. I miss MASH.
  2. Horse Doctor!
  3. @darlahickman (Screamed to the tune of Jaws theme) phone call, Darla call me, Darla call me, da na na!
  4. @joiafarmer have you tried the McRib?
  5. Catholic Comedy Night With Judy McDonald May 15th, 2009 Tell your Lutheran friends.
  6. Golfing & If I close my eyes & listen it sounds like the Golden girls are here minus Dorthy.You shouldn't golf with your eyes closed though.
  7. Lost makes my head hurt...than again, so does Sponge Bob.
  8. Hooray for the Foy's and Baby #7! Liam was only 2 weeks late, but in Irish time that's early.
  9. How long am I required to keep my 4th grade free throw champ trophy? If I do get rid of it, how?Sell it to a stalker or save it for a relic?
  10. Baking sheep.
  11. Classic trashy Lifetime movie alert: Mother, May I Sleep With Danger.
  12. Red Bull Air Races.
  13. I love having shows that follow "tea and then dinner". It's my version of a salary bonus.
  14. @toddlemieux Do you do windows
  15. Hope I can live up to my new Pergo lifestyle.
  16. @popplemusic did it twice, it's been up on youtube for like 5 weeks.
  17. I'm officially turning into my mom. On my run I asked a dog if he got a haircut. It has begun.
  18. "Did you know a rattlesnake can bite you 5 hours after you cut its head off?" - I learn so much when I golf with the Nifty Niners.
Clearly you can see that I had a full and rich week. Although you might not know what have of then mean, I do and can look back at them when questioned on my whereabouts if anyone ever asks.
And the beauty of it is this saves my stalkers tons of man hours! I'm looking out for those who stare at me through binoculars while parked outside my house in an ice cream truck.

Friday, May 08, 2009

In The Buff

I was honored to bring comedy to Buffalo this week and in return Buffalo gave me wings and a sweatshirt that will insure I will never get lost in public again. Thanks Buffalo!