Dear Judy,
You are fascinating. What is an average day like for you?
Love,
Brad Pitt
Dear Brad,
I'm glad you asked, her is a run down from today.
Sorry about you and Jen.
Love,
Judy
6:30am - My mom comes in my room and wakes me up by saying, "what time do you want to wake up? Hey Jewd, you can still sleep if you want, Judy, Judy are you up? You can sleep still."
Well now I'm up
7:15am - There are 4 people currently living in our home, my mom, dad, me and my Uncle Rich visiting form Fargo don't cha know. We have two showers but since our house is an architectural wonder only one shower can run at a time unless you want freezing water a slow drip. So by the time I got in the shower I was already running late.
8:08am - Pull in to the Church parking lot and run into mass for my ashes. I was disappointed in the ashes this year. I like a good black ash that will stick to your forehead for the whole day so you can go out and remind people it's Ash Wednesday when you are shopping and doing errands. But these were very grey, almost ashy. They were gone by 10am and that's frustrating.
10:27am - I play Uncle the card game 31 until I lose $1.25.
11:15am - Mom, Uncle and I go to lunch at Chipolte. We make Uncle pay because he is a senior citizen and we are showing our respect by having him buy our burritos.
11:50am - Mom and Uncle go to waste 3 hours of their lives by sitting through the Aviator and I head to the mall. At my show in Saturday I lost my bag with my make up in it. Since then I have been going in public in less than stellar looking form. So I went out to Macy's and got the full treatment by the nice MAC counter people. I even got recognized from a show I did the week before (it was a positive thing and no one threw anything at me). I left the mall with a fresh coat of make up and a high self esteem.
1:35pm - Drove to Rite Aid in Encinitas to buy 99 cent make up brushes for my thirteen-dollar eye shadow.
1:45pm - Checked into Encinitas Surgeons group and wait for a half an hour until I went in and got the all clear sign from my surgeon. No cancer lumps for me, take that family genetics!
2:15pm - Drove to the classy Marshall's in Rancho Santa Fe. I found cute clothes but when I tried them on they looked stupid. Left with deflated self esteem.
3:11pm - Went to check in with Skip Frye at his shop to check on my board, but alas the elusive Skip was no where to be found.
3:35pm - Returned MAC mascara at Macy's in La Jolla. I then went to such stores as Forever 21 and Charlotte Rouse where I saw even more cute clothes on manikins. But some days nothing looks good on except on fire so I left.
3:45pm - Went to the La Jolla Marshall's and Ross only to be saddened again by how the clothes look when you actually try them on.
4:00pm - Bought same mascara that I just returned for half the prize at a giant make up store, take that corporate America.
4:45pm - My friend the Bible Geek called and left me a voice mail that boosted my self-esteem and hopes of more opportunity to travel and be funny.
5:38pm - Called home because I forgot to set my VCR to tape Lost but I remembered the only people at home were my mom and Uncle. I spent 10 minutes trying to walk her though the whole VCR process, I felt like I was walking somebody though dismantling a bomb over the phone. In the end it was decided that at 8pm Uncle would go in my room and just hit the Record button. Which really only says "REC". That was at least 2 minutes of our conversation.
6:00pm - Meet friends for Happy Hour at Sushi on the Rock. Seems I'm back on sushi and my friend John paid for it, so everything turned out ok. Turns out when I' m not forced at gunpoint to eat all the sushi on my plate I can really pack it away.
7:30pm - Arrive at the world famous Comedy Store to see 8 people in the audience. I went up third and reminded everyone it was Ash Wednesday. Eight audience members are enjoyable but hardly excitable. Soon and very soon all of San Diego will be at the Comedy Store because comedy is funny...most the time.
9:30pm - Walk across the shopping center to Vons and bought donuts and Rice cakes. The check out bagger had the nerve to judge my choices for food. Who is this man to judge me? Doesn't he know that if you eat the rice cakes on the ride home the donut for breakfast is justified?
10:15pm - Arrive back home and check email from loyal fan Brad Pitt.
