Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.
-- Johnny Carson
Talk low, talk slow, and don't talk too much.
--John Wayne
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
-- Voltaire
The less people know about how sausages and laws are made, the better they'll sleep at night.
-- Otto von Bismarck
God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny.
-- Garrison Keillor
People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant.
--Ellen DeGeneres
Common looking people are the best in the world: that is the reason the Lord makes so many of them.
-- Abraham Lincoln
I invented the internet.
- Al Gore, former U.S. Vice President
