Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Blood for Ink

It happened again today, the thing I dread most. My printer was out of ink!

I really hate going to the store for ink because it's a normal thing to hate, like clowns, spiders and the cotton found in Aspirin bottles.

The number one reason I hate going to the store for ink is the cost. Why is printer ink so expensive? Are we importing our ink from the Middle East? They sell the colors individually because I guess there is a chance that you might use more light cyan before all your magenta runs out. Today I had to buy 5 different colors at $12.85 a color. My printer cost $99. If I would have had to buy the black cartridge I would have just been better off buying a whole new printer!

What I want to know is where is all this ink going? I just changed the cartridges at Christmas. I know for a fact that you can't drink the stuff with out getting really sick, so that's not it. Perhaps terrorist come in at night and siphon my ink as a part of their evil plot against the world. Or perhaps not. Either way I had to spend $69.23 today and my Scottish heart is just not ready for any more money to be spent! So don't look for any expensive Hallmark cards in the mail on your birthday, you'll get a heartfelt sticky note with a birthday greeting and you'll like it!

The worst thing about going to the store for ink is the people who work there. No offense to them, they actually have a job with normal hours and a cool uniform. I have encountered two sales associates I would like to tell you about.

#1 - I walk in to the store looking for ink.
Associate 1: Hello ma'am , can I help you find something today?
Me: Yes I need ink for my printer.
Associate 1: Sure ok just follow me.
Me: Ok Sparky
Associate 1: Ok, ma'am here is all of our ink, what kind of pen did you need to fill up?
Me: No, I need ink for a printer.
Associate 1: Oh, ok, follow me over to the printers.
Me: No no, I just need the ink for the printer, not a whole printer.
Associate 1: Look ma'am you need to help me help you. Please calm yourself and put the stapler down.

At this point I went and bought a new printer.

#2 I have been in the printer ink aisle for 3 hours. I am hungry and dehydrated and becoming disoriented.

Associate #2: Can I help you find some ink for your printer?
Me: Well, I don't think you carry the kind I need, I have been looking for 3 hours...
Associate #2: Here it is right here, it was right in front of you.
Me: I knew that...I actually work for Staples in their customer satisfaction department. Can I get your name son? You had a tone in your voice I didn't much care for, I'm going to have to report you, sorry. Have you seen Sparky?

Moral of the story?
Um, well, there isn't one. Stop searching for your life's answers at my blog and get to church!