I'm Tech Savvy, circa 1930

Ash Wednesday Part Deux

Sister Muriel

A movie I shot without jokes or dogs, for once.

St. Joseph the worker from Judy McDonald on Vimeo.

Oprah

I took a big step today and got a free sample of the new Kitty Kelly Biography, OPRAH on my Kindle!
When I say Oprah I have to yell it a la Tina Fey on 30 Rock. OOOP-RAAAAAHHHHHHH! I have tried to say it normally but find it nearly impossible. So I will let you know if I learn anything scandalous within the first 12 pages which is what a sample on the Kindle is.
If I don't gasp at least three times within 12 pages I will not buy the rest of the book.  Also, I demand pictures in this book.  I just hope there are not pictures of me because I don't remember ever taking any pictures with her, but then again I have lapses. Like sometimes I try to eat just one potato chip and before I know it my hands goes clear through the bottom of the bag and I'm outside drinking out of the garden hose.  So I guess it's very possible that I could be in the new Oprah book.  If I am I hope it's a good picture and my eyes are all the way open.  Sometimes I do the half eye squint in my left eye, so embarrassing.
OPRAH!

Does Your Dog...

...Sit like a human and does it creep people out? No, but this is not my dog.

Happy Easter, Bak Bak!

 We started out Easter in the normal fashion, mass, with a million new strangers at our parish, then home to take a picture in our fancy clothes.

 But then it turned rather ugly as Chewie, the yellow lab with a heart of gold ate the, well, golden egg.  He could not accept the prize of finding the golden egg, which was 45 cents because he would spend it on booze.

I feel perhaps that the day might appear to have taken a turn for the worst when we started shooting each other in the head, but I think perhaps that was a highlight.  I like to look at it more as traveling baptisms in the cranium.  Sounds better.

Mom cooked all sorts of good things and then we ate until we were full and then we went outside and shot each other some more.  All and all, a wonderful day.
Happy Easter!

Golf

  

Michelle Wie incurred a 2-stroke penalty for grounding her club in a bunker and $90,000 in prize money. The people I play with give me mulligans.

Savannah, GA

Everything in Savannah was either blooming or deep fried...my kind of place.  If I lived there I would not be able to breathe out of my nose ever again or get blood to my feet.  Grease and pollen, I guess in the end that's what got Hard Hearted Hannah, the vamp of Savannah, GA

Los Angeles Youth Day

The audiences at LA Youth Day just would not sit down as they clapped.  How fun, how loud, how staged. 

Mississippi

This past weekend was my first trip to Mississippi and it was so much fun.  I had always had an aversion to the state because growing up it was impossible to spell.  My mom even taught me a naughty jinkgle to remember it: M-I-S-S-I-S-S-I-P-P in your I.  It worked, but come spelling test time I would spell it like mom taught me, PP in your I and everything and well, you know the rest of the story.
But this weekend the good people of Mississippi taught me a new song to remember it:
M - I - CROOKED LETTER - CROOKED LETTER - I - CROOKED LETTER - CROOKED LETTER - I - HUMP BACK - HUMP BACK - I!

LA, LA, LA

Thanks Baton Rouge!

All this and three trips to Wal-Mart to boot! It was great to be back in Louisiana, and even better to eat donuts with the Bishop.

A very successful trip due to the avoidance of all things shell-fish.
And news that the MRI was clear and we do it all again in 6 months!

Approved

The insurance approved my MRI, good for them for approving of me!
I also get excited at the grocery store when I swipe my ATM card for a purchase and after a few seconds the LED "approved" shines forth, announcing to the world that in fact, I am good for that $3.14.
So thank you insurance, for announcing to the world that I am approved to get an MRI. Your approval means the world to me and my ability to continue to be approved by others.

Lazy Blogger

I am lazy, it's true. I have a severe case of laziness when it comes to writing here. Nothing personal, just sometimes telling my golden retriever is so much easier than taking the time to write a blog.

But today, the dog is refusing my phone calls, so you are in luck.

In the past few weeks I have been busy but not like most of you reading this. My busy is the extra stuff you probably do after work, tending to your family and giving blood. To tell you my business might invoke anger in you that might result in hate mail or a nasty fist shake upon seeing me.

I welcome those.

First off I have been making a series of fondant cakes. There are a few shows on cable about cake baking and I am nothing like those people, except that I do yell a lot when my assistant drops a cake or I burn my hand in piping hot sugar...other than that, nothing alike. I also don't have an assistant. My mom has been baking and I have been making my own fondant (which is one part marshmallow one part sugar and all parts sticky).

I have taken my clay skill from making sheep and other figures into edible characters. While ok for now I liken them to my early attempts at clay, good for the moment but where I am now, laughable. Some day my cakes will wow you, for now they might just push you over the line if you are border diabetic.

In comedy news, I am on the road again after an almost 2 month break. It was a great relief after my show in Georgia last week to breath a sigh of relief and now the funny didn't leave. It really was just like riding a bike, without a helmet, down a hill, as a rabid dog chases you. In short, I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Of course it's been almost 6 months since my brush with a horrible disease so why not pick that up again. As you might now I am a lump factory. I grow non-cancerous tumors faster that it takes most people to fast forward through a dvr'd commercial during Lost. That was an awesome analogy, back pat.

So to put an end to this every 6 months or when ever a medical person looks at me having a scare my surgeon suggested seeing an oncologist. That appointment was Tuesday and I learned some things. Because of my family and personal history I am at a higher risk for breast cancer than the average bear. And with a new rascal lump raising two doctors suspicions enough to order an MRI (that of course the insurance company denies on the first round because of my age) I was again reminded that it’s good to be living right now. At times I thought it would be easier just for them to find something and get it over and out of the way. But with some experience, I find not having anything sure is a good plan. Although this is quite the pain in the rear to every few months have to worry and go through tests and waiting, it’s a good pain and I’m blessed. I’m quite fortunate to have access to the doctors and their tests to screen anything that looks funky. I have the advantage even to know that I am at a high risk. There are drugs available for preventative measures that would cut my risk of breast cancer in the next 5 years by over 50%. Of course I’d grow a unicorn horn out of my forehead, but I guess you have to take the good with the bad. Holding pattern for now, just like planes over Newark, in the end, a little annoyance but no real harm done.

As a sign of charity I should call the insurance company and warn them what happens when I unleash my secret weapon, aka my mom. They think Obama is out to get them, they haven’t seen anything yet!

And, the Olympics have been on TV. That’s something that has taken a lot of my time. Really, not so much in the last week though as my Olympic fever broke and I am somewhat over curling. Curling was the sport that I believed could have united all nations and possible restored peace to this world. But then I watched it on my last flight for more than 3 hours and it just made me want to hit and punch. So much that I was detained thus impeding my opportunity to blog.

Amen.

It's Baaaaaaack!

Kick Your Ash Wednesday.

Funeral Food for Thought

I just got back from my third funeral in 2 weeks. It's not that there has been a great outbreak of swine flu or a gang of axe wielding clowns who were released from a mental ward went on a killing spree.

The truth of the matter is a majority of my friends are over 60, not that being over 60 is a straight shot to the grave. I know, as do you, when Jesus has your room ready, you go no matter the age. But statistically the odds are not in my favor for long lasting friendships with most of my buds. Of course after attending a funeral it makes you think. So after three funerals I have been thinking a lot. Surprisingly I wasn't thinking I need younger friends to avoid these funerals. To tell you the truth I like funerals.

Let me specify, I like some funerals more than others.

First of all, in general, funerals don't cost me any money. When your friend dies, you don't have to buy any presents. They aren't registered anywhere. But if your friend marries or gives birth, you are in for hundreds of dollars buying presents, outfits, plane tickets, shotguns, etc.

What makes a good funeral for me? A quick answer would be, a funeral that doesn’t star me.

The long version is, a good funeral is when, even if a tragic and untimely death, it's a reminder that the person who died knew where they were going. I like funerals that the deceased helped plan. Those are the best! That way, you can’t complain about the song choice…

Funerals are a great reminder that we will all exit this earth one day. Funerals make me think how creative God is. Wouldn't that be horrible if there was only one way to go? And it was the same age for everyone? Boring. God gives us a bit of variety, no a lot of variety on how we exit.

We have thousands of ways of leaving. You can go kicking and screaming, while taking a nap, crossing the street, getting out of the bath tub, in a hail of gun fire, kicking a ball, plugging in the toaster, a horrible disease, being eaten by your cat, the list is endless.

Here’s hoping when Jesus calls you home, you go right away and don’t wait for Him to yell your first, middle and last name.

What I Learned from Road Kill

I am blessed to spend large chunks of time in different areas of the world. I go to all the really cool places: Germany, Ireland, South Louisiana.Down here on the bayou they are famous for many things, Mardi Gras, great music, and cooking that will make you want to ‘slap yo grandma’ it’s so good. But I have discovered another thing they have in abundance on the bayou and that’s road kill. Every morning I go for a run. And the farther I run the more road kill I see. Now excuse me for being fascinated with this, but back in San Diego, the place I call home, we just don’t have a lot of road kill; at least we don’t have it for long periods of time. When something does get killed, a concerned citizen will call the people who work for the city who’s job it is to come out and remove whatever got hit and within the hour it’s gone. Not so much here on the bayou, I don’t think they have that department. Here the high population of Catholics takes the theory of “dust to dust” very literally. They are a patient people and they can wait for God to clean it up in His own time, waiting for things to turn back into dust.
So I run by road kill that sits and waits to return to dust.

He also could have made puppies have horns...

Does God even make armadillos alive or do they just come dead? So far I’ve only seen dead ones when I run. At first I was annoyed and to be honest quite disgusted. It’s hot and humid down here. Need I say more?
But the more I ran, the more I paid attention to the different things I was sprinting past. I started looking at just how complex these little creatures are. As the days went by I literally got to see more and more of what made them tick, thanks to a process thought up by God. I was fascinated by the diveristy of the road kill. From the turtles to the alligators, it was like I was running past my own natural history museum.
The time and care that went into making armadillos blows my mind. Their coloring, the claws that help them dig, the armor they carry on their back to protect them (but not from cars). God just doesn’t make things willy-nilly, even the tiniest creature in the swamp was made with love. Every detail that makes it unique was thought by and created by God for a reason.
I stopped today because I saw something moving out of the corner of my eye. It was a pleasant surprise that I might see a live animal, so I investigated further. I followed a frog as it jumped into the water and swam. As I kept watching, I saw fish and birds, and before I knew it ten minutes had gone by because I was in awe of God’s creation in this little bit of water. A piece of the bayou that I run by everyday and never thought twice about was teaming with life. An elaborate ecosystem right under my nose. How many other times do I see God’s creations and just run right by them?
The more I thought about it the more I had to smile. That little patch of creation that mesmerized me is just a splash in the sea of the universe that God has created.
How many other countless little patches of His creation are there in this world? The bayou, the desert, the mountains, the oceans, the forests, and the jungle; do you get my drift? God’s love for us is so vast that He made us a world full of beauty. He could have made this a boring looking world. Instead, He filled it with breathtaking landscapes. He also could have made puppies have horns but He didn’t, he made them soft and cuddly and with puppy breath.
How much He loves us to create a world with so much detail in the smallest aspects of it! This week, slow down and look around.
Stop running by God’s creations and take the time to see the beauty in everything, even road kill.
I’ll never see another dead armadillo without smiling.
Matthew10: 29-31

Eh

I'm going to Canada to escape the cold of San Diego.  Please call me when the weather clears or we fall into the ocean and I can return to my beach front property in Vista.

Let Them Eat It!

With much time on my hands and with the help of my mom but mostly my dad this cake was created.  Now pull your pants up from off the ground and marvel at it.

New blog is baking and has a few more hours to cook.

Donuts

If donuts were good for me would I love them just as much? Or would I find a way to make them unhealthy like what I do with broccoli & caramel?