pushed the Pope,
Really? I mean, really? You pushed the Pope? He's 82, what were you trying to prove? Are you bummed about Notre Dame football? And, twice in a row you bum rush my Holy Father on Christmas Eve? You have some nerve. Are you the jerk that also steals baby Jesus' out of neighborhood Nativity scenes? Well listen up coo coo clock, the Pope won't be bullied. We believe in turning the other cheek but we also believe in free weights and eating a lot of protein. All I'm saying is that don't try to push the Pope again because he'll be ready. I've offered him my services and by Lent he'll be sporting a six pack.
Your worst nightmare,
Judy "the Pope's trainer" McDonald
P.S. you owe a certain cardinal an apology and a new hip.