Purdue University

Kyle, Judy, Fr. Patrick (aka Norm MacDonald) and Dan after a super fun, super successful show at Purdue University...I heart college shows.

Purdue Show 7:30 PM EST

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Dog Days

No Nay Never

I went running today and maybe it was for the last time. I went with my friend Katie who does not have the pain to brain connection. Let me explain, after I have been running for a few miles, or really, after I give a heads up to my body that I am thinking about running I feel pain. The pain from my body goes to my brain and in return my brain shuts my body down into a sad limping walk. My pain to brain connection is working. Katie's does not. As she sees me in the distance now walking she does things like run wind sprints up and down a hill till I get to her. Her pain to brain connection done broke! So running, I figured out yesterday is something I really don't enjoy. I've had a runners high maybe once but looking back it probably wasn't even runners high but the lingering effects of some Novocaine I received at a dental appointment. The benefits I receive from running do not outweigh the pain, therefore I think me and running are breaking up. I will still run on occasion. I feel running is very useful when dealing with stampeding elephants, or killer zombies. Also if I ever have to rescue orphans out of a burning building I will not saunter in but I will run. If I ever drink the water again in Mexico I will not skip to the bathroom but run; so you see running is not dead to me, we just decided to see other people.
Since running and I have been in a rocky relationship over the past couple of months now is the time to admit that I have been seeing other exercises.
Mainly I have been swimming. Usually swimming is a very good low impact exercise...usually But I have some Judy factors that make it not so. First of all I usually can not enter in the pool without my two lifeguards, Mac and Chewie following close behind. As dogs, they have no hands so when they see me swimming and assume I need "rescuing" they swim out to me and use their paws to "rescue me." Because their paws are accompanied by sharp claws what ensues is a kin to an underwater ballet knife fight. Evidence of my scarred arms and back, I have been "rescued" many times. Because of my over protective dogs I usually get about 2 laps in before it's just not worth it and I end up sitting on the steps. This 3-4 minute scene is not conducive to a cardio workout and is almost counter productive. If you ever have done any water sports you know that they make you hungry beyond belief because usually your body is burning thousands of calories but as I said the only ones burning calories are the dog-guards. So my consumption of Snickers bars before my swim is really hurting and not helping. Other factors include two nephews jumping in and out during lap swim and sometimes striking their target; which now really hurts since they are getting older and bigger. Riding on Auntie Judy's back while she swims is no longer fun for Auntie Judy and actually has come close to killing her several times. The lack of goggles and chlorine-trigger-happy pool man makes my eyes feel like I am in a constant dream sequence from Dallas. If I end up shooting J.R. I am going to be more than a little upset.
In the end, I'll keep swimming until our Southern California weather turns cold. In the end, I love swimming more than running but refuse to get in the pool in severe dips when it gets down to 70, that's just plain nuts I'm no polar bear.

I Don't Want a Virus, I Want to Go Viral.

Hey Lady

Hey lady, your name on a piece of rice?

No gracias.

Want a massage?

That was basically every conversation I had with anyone who tried to sell me anything while I was in Cabo San Lucas.
Apparently I looked stressed.
Everyone thought I was in need of a massage. From the guy selling "Roy-Bans" to the lady who wanted to braid my hair (actually she just wanted to braid my hair, she was very serious about beauty). I remember the good old days when buying Mexican fireworks or a whip was just that, there was no hidden agenda. After awhile it stressed me out, but I was not about to give in and get a massage. And its a good thing, I watch 20/20 and had the advice of my dad, "don't trust anyone." I was not about to let them win. I was vigilant for the rest of the trip. Like a ninja I avoided eye contact with all street vendors, small dogs and elderly tourists, all could have possibly offered me a deadly massage. So I'm home from vacation, tired and in desperate need of a massage.

Boom

Camp Pendleton is having war games. I hear the "sounds of freedom" whilst my dogs hear,"the world is coming to an end". Mac acts accordingly.

Steubenville San Diego

It was a great weekend at SDSU with over 4,000 Catholics, about 30 nuns and a hot comedian who looked like Sandra Bullock, I know it was weird, who knew there were two of us out there!

Video's Galore

Check out some video's we shot last year to promo this year's conference.

I went to the Tonight Show and all I got was this lousy badge.

Conan

We are headed up to Universal today to attend a taping of the Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien. If you don't hear from me in 24 hours, I probably either
a) Died while waiting in line under the heat of 94 degree weather.
b) Was wisked away to stardom by a chance meeting with a Hollywood executive.
c) Or just forgot to update my blog.

Either way, fun times shall be had by all.

Ella

This is my new God-Niece, Ella and her momma Sarah. If you have not heard of the term God-Aunt before it's the melding of being a fake aunt and a non Godmother. A basic sad attempt to be in the kids life but never have to send a check.

San Diego to Steubenville

In 14 hours I will be out the door and on the way to the airport for the second time this week. This time I'm headed to Steubenville, Ohio. I'm looking forward to perfect weather, drinkable water and thousands of Catholics all gathered in one place. One outta three won't be bad. Call the police if I'm not back by Sunday night.

Cardinal DiNardo

He wanted a picture with me just in case I ever get famous.

Houston

Melting in Houston, Texas today. It seems that God forgot to turn off the oven here. Once again, San Diego wins. Usually I am in Texas every time I fly. Since Continental lands here no matter where you fly I'm often in the George Bush airport. It was weird to not just sit in the terminal for a few hours but to actually go outside, into the oven. I was just informed we are having a "cool down" because it's only going to be 99 today.
Now I'm heading over to the Hilton for the start of the Archdiocesan Youth Conference (AYC). It should be a good time if the AC stays on. I am looking forward to hanging out with Paul and Ennie my brothers from two different mothers who are also speaking this weekend. Then on Sunday we are heading out on the "Big Black Judy", a boat named after yours truly...pictures to soon follow.

Daniel

This is Daniel.
I am friends with his mom.
I really hope that is chocolate.

A mouse funeral a la Mikey and Patch...notice Mikey giving his respect with a final salute.

I think I single handily ruined my mom's birthday yesterday. I should have learned by now, NO WIRE HANGERS!

Virginia Mae

It's the first day of July and in my house that means one thing, my mom's birthday!
Usually by her actual birthday we have all given her birthday presents all ready because either we can not contain ourselves to wait until her actual birthday to shower her with presents or she gives us those puppy dog eyes and we just can't refuse and we buckle and pre-gift her.
I'm way too young to have a mom who is 70 but she's only 70 on paper.
The truth is she has more energy than me and about 99 percent of the people I know.
When I travel and meet grandmas and grandpas I am always surprised when they tell me they are in their 60's because my mom (and dad) could totally kick their butt's!
Age really is all in your head.
Now some people freak out when they hit certain numbers, but in the end it's what you do with the number. I know a lot of 40 year olds who will never do half the stuff my mom will do just in the next week.
Basically I'm hoping her genes are my size and I can borrow heavy from them...I know I can't fit into her wedding dress, that's not true, my left thigh made it through. All I know is that when I grow up I want to be just like my mom. And when I finally do grow up she'll be there, dragging me somewhere three steps behind.
Happy birthday mom! I love you.

Patch's Big Adventure

We had tickets to the Padre game last week and what with gas prices what they are and the fact that out of three cars at our house together they don't equal one good car, my dad had the great idea that he wanted to take the Coaster down to the Padre game. He dubbed the evening, "Patch's Big Adventure".
I said no, thank you because I hate the Coaster. Not because I hate trains but because I hate not having a car i.e. some way of getting the heck outta Dodge if mom or dad attract the fuzz and we have to make a quick get away like we have so many times before. Also it kind of smells. But Pop insisted, in fact I believe the quote I heard was "I am not going unless we take the Coaster". So, we got in the car and headed west. We first stopped at Angelo's in Carlsbad to carb-load on cheeseburgers and fries, a staple for my people. After feeding our arteries we had time to stop at a store for candy, how could we say no to Pop, they are so cute at that age. I went in with him and mom guarded the van, it's a rough neighborhood and we didn't want to take any chances. I grabbed a packet of gum and Pop bought 2 ice cream cones. One for him and the other for him as well, as I said, we had a big adventure and we needed to be prepared for it.
We got to the Coaster station and dropped mom off while we parked so she could buy Pop a ticket. She already had two tickets she scored from being a juror that she and I would use, you see once again the perks to the Coaster, we save money! She promptly headed to the ATM machine to buy the tickets before being yelled at that it was the wrong machine. Who yells at a sweet lady like that? I do. I have traveled with her through Europe twice and know how to keep us both alive and it involves yelling.
Once we got on the train we headed upstairs and sat down. I read the ticket and right away noticed it said NOT VALID FOR THE COASTER. In my most respectful voice I calmly pointed this fact out. Mom had read her ticket that was valid and assumed the other was too, it was not. Immediately both me and Pop turned white...we knew for sure the fuzz would be coming to take her away. I said I would go buy a new ticket but it was too late and the train started. We were law breakers. Or at least Gin was after I made her hold the naughty ticket that WAS NOT VALID FOR THE COASTER. She swore it would be fine and when questioned she would just explain that she made a mistake...yes, that one always works. We were convinced every time the police officer patrolling the train walked by that he was about to arrest her, especially because every time he walked by I would point to her and cough "criminal". It also didn't help the man sitting behind us was talking very loudly about all the times he and his common law marriage wife were arrested for drugs, and I knew my mom definitely had baby aspirin in her purse. It further justified my sense of "ickiness" I receive while riding the train.
Well, nneedless to say my mom only learned that riding the train with the wrong ticket is not only illegal but extremely exhilarating.
We made it to the San Diego train depot, walked to the trolley station, made it to Petco Park, walked 5 miles to get to our seats, spent $35 on nachos and a Diet Pepsi, watched the Padres lose and got back on the damn train. This time I bought Gin her ticket so Pop could enjoy the thrill of riding the train without feeling like his wife would get arrested at any minute. We spent the time riding back up the coast playing "Name That Tune" off my ipod (luckily I have hours of age appropriate music for such an occasion).
All and all I thought Patch's big adventure was just short of an episode of Intervention and C.O.P.S. mixed together, but Patch and Gin seemed to have fun so overall it was a wash.