Wednesday, September 02, 2009


After 2 days of waiting and eating whatever I wanted since I could have a had a horrible disease and drop dead at any minute I marched into my doctors office today and asked for my MRI results. A few months back one of those pesky "suspicious lumps" was found which started the fun process of inconclusive mammograms and the inevitable MRI. Family history and past surgical biopsies make it old hat for me.
Here is a tip from Aunt Judy, when the doctor's office says they will call with the results they are not lying. They just have a different concept of time that you or I might have. Because they would eventually call back but you could have died from natural causes in the mean time. The MRI man (I think that was his official title) told me the results would be read in a few hours and my doctor would be sent the results by the end of the day.
Fair enough. I have played this game before. I get a test done with the understanding that it is probably nothing and in the course of waiting for the results every Lifetime movie, telephone commercial and Hallmark card you see is about breast cancer.
The devil loves to take the unknown and twist it until every worst-case scenario is played out in your head until you are convinced that you soon will be a statistic.
Fear kicks in, maybe even anger, some confusion and before you know it you are standing in front of the fridge at 3am eating straight out of the carton of Rocky Road.

But not this time. Between the “finding” and today I had been traveling. In one of my travels I found myself at a healing service. Without going into too many details, I felt a marked difference after the prayers of healing had been prayed. When I say marked, I guess I am really saying heat. When I say heat, I guess what I am saying is that my boob got HOT! A kind of hot that only the Holy Spirit or a small trash fire can generate and since I didn’t smell smoke I knew the Holy Spirit had gotten the job done. A few weeks went bye and finally went in on Monday and low and behold today after having a sit in at the doctors office until the report was read my ears heard what I had already felt, “whatever was there before is gone now.”
“Well duh!” Is what I yelled on the inside but on the outside I just smiled and used my inside voice to say, “thank you”.
What I realized today while sitting in the office was that horrible disease or not I was ok. (I also realized the people at the front desk kind of freak out when they realize you aren’t going to leave until you are told your results and freak out even more when you bring a cooler and a DVD player with Lonesome Dove).
I have said it before but each time I go through a scare God leads me into a deeper understanding of what kind of peace He can bring. Sure having breast cancer would really blow, but I was confident that God wouldn’t let me go through it alone and not only be healed but be a witness as I went through it. And of course I would be ok, if it was all clear because, well, duh.
I guess the key is to understand that if you can find peace in something like that, you can find peace in the million stupid things that happen everyday, which are in no way as scary or stressful yet they still cause us great worry.
In the end, when you figure this out your either really holy and they fast track you to Sainthood or you die and you have a V-8 moment and think, why did I waste all that time down there worrying when I could have been eating ice cream and playing canasta with the elderly?

My other update is that my niece Sydney came out of surgery last night minus her appendix. Turns out she presented with a classic “appendix needs to come out case” but when they got in, it was fine but they figured, “hey we are already in here, might as well take this thing out so it looks like we know what we are doing”. They think she has a viral infection and the poor kid will spend the last week of her summer recouping from surgery.

But the real thing I would like to discuss happened last night. I went outside to play with the dog and cut some roses for a vase and while walking the grossest thing that has ever happened to me occurred. For those of you have ever had the pleasure of walking on the beach in California you have probably stepped on seaweed or bulb kelp and felt it pop underfoot. Well that’s what happened last night, in the dark and there was no seaweed around. I instantaneously knew what it was and every part of me wanted to have a Silkwood scrub right then and there. I ran in the house (very carefully) and got the flashlight. I came out and after a few seconds of searching found what I knew it was. I had stepped on a dead mouse and it had exploded! I knew it was dead because ants don’t usually gather that quickly in less they are on some sort of performance enhancing drug and if that’s the case I have a whole new set of problems. Praise Jesus I had my sandals on because I can barely get the thought out of Mickey exploding under my sandal and the thought of his spleen doing that on my bare foot would have taken all of God’s peace away and He would have had to come and personally driven me to the “get that terrible mouse exploding under your foot sound out of your head" doctor.

I just hope it wasn’t the mouse from my video just dropping bye to say hey.

Now you are in the loop, like it or not. If you have been offended because I spoke about my hot boob or exploding mice I am sorry, I don’t make this stuff up, I just report on it.